Coping with life after a layoff

Contra Costa Times (MCT) - One month after her layoff, Kathi Finley still cries at the commercials for Mervyn's going-out-of-business sale.

Finley, of Castro Valley, Calif., worked for the Hayward, Calif.-based chain for 34 years. She was 18 when she started working there. Now she has a son she's putting through college, and no job.

"It's like starting over after midlife," Finley says. "You know what's weird? I feel like I'm on vacation. I keep looking at the calendar and the spot on Thanksgiving that I had marked as vacation. Dec. 8 says back to work."

Finley's feelings of denial are common. Layoffs are at their highest since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, and 40 percent of San Francisco Bay area companies intend to cut more jobs in the next six months, according to the Bay Area Council. While victims know how to update their resumes and hunt for jobs, no one tells them how to cope with the emotional impact layoffs have on them and their families. Fear, hopelessness and depression are common symptoms of job loss. But victims and experts say there are ways to improve your outlook and feel positive about the future.

Finley credits a strong support system _ including Winston, her miniature schnauzer _ for helping her stay strong during her job search.

"I just tell myself that I know it's going to work out," Finley says. "There's so many people out there so much worse off than I am. So I thank God for all the blessings I have."

Jim Conway of Danville, Calif., had never left a place of employment when it wasn't on his own terms, so when he was laid off from a trade association in August due to reorganization, it was a shock. "It's almost like (going through) the different stages of grieving," Conway says. "But it's not the end of the world. Rediscovery is important. In some ways, it's liberating and forces you to look at yourself and your life."

Conway received strength and support from the Concord, Calif.-based Experience Unlimited, a no-fee career resource center and networking group sponsored by the state's Employment Development Department. "It's heartening to meet with other folks who are in your situation," he says. "You have worth. You have talent. And, eventually, someone will identify that."

The grieving process is the same as with any other loss, says Emily Hause, an assistant psychology professor of industrial psychology at St. Mary's College in Moraga, Calif. After the denial, anger, fear and depression, there is acceptance. "The classic advice after a layoff is to avoid rushing into a new job and to take time evaluating your options," Hause says. "But, given the economic climate and the magnitude of layoffs, you'll want to get to Stage 5 as soon as you can."

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To get there, Hause offers two coping strategies: problem-focused thinking and symptom reduction. The latter is about reducing the hardship that you're experiencing by joining social and networking groups and investigating your rights. Many companies offer severance, counseling and job relocation, Hause says. Problem-focused thinking is designed to eliminate the problem, so consider new training or continued education that increases your chances of getting hired.

UPGRADED SKILLS

That's what Robin Shahan did. The San Ramon, Calif., computer programmer was laid off from Chevron in 1999 and SBC in 2004. In 2005, AT&T let her go when her contract ended. Her savings allowed her to take time off and travel. But when she was still unemployed months later, Shahan began upgrading her skills. She reviewed a technical book for a friend, which landed her name on the back cover, and read more than 7,000 pages of technical material. She rewrote some of her old applications in the new technologies she'd studied. She posted answers to hundreds of questions on Internet message boards.

"It was like giving myself a pop quiz every day," says Shahan, who danced around her living room when she was offered a job in March. Shahan was in a position to turn her unemployment into something positive, which helped ease her fears. But the isolation was still challenging, she says.

"Prayer helps," she says. "But if you let your thoughts get the best of you, you can wind yourself up pretty fast. After all, it (a layoff) is like the ultimate rejection, but most of the time it doesn't have anything to do with you."

Shahan sought solace in her friends from work. Often, connections with work friends can drift when someone leaves, but Shahan felt lucky to have created solid friendships at AT&T and Chevron, she says. And she still maintains them today. Shahan has a standing Monday lunch date with one former co-worker.

"When I left AT&T, they gave me a gift certificate for a jewelry store in Texas," she says. "That really meant a lot. And when it was time to send out resumes, I was so paralyzed (with fear) that one of them actually came over and helped me."

While some post-layoff friendships can be awkward _ for both victims and survivors _ Shahan says everyone made her feel at ease.

"There was no awkwardness because it (layoffs) happens," she says. "People come and go, and turnover is common so people were sympathetic and supportive."

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NETWORKING PROGRAM

She also received support from Job Connections, a free outreach and networking program for unemployed professionals sponsored by the Community Presbyterian Church in Danville. Weekly meetings draw people from Marin to San Jose, and the Yahoo group is 2,500 members strong. In recent months, it's become a community where people rent rooms to each other and help with household duties, such as cleaning rain gutters, when the funds just aren't there.

"We offer hope and encouragement to everyone from administrative assistants to CEOs," says program director Dean Tracy. "We help people enhance their search strategies, stay connected and get out of the house."

That sense of having nowhere to go in the morning was a challenge for Kevin Wilk, who was laid off from a senior director position at Yahoo in February. Back in 2003, he had been laid off from Microsoft.

"I would meet friends for lunch but there were no updates I could give them," says Wilk, who is also transportation commissioner for Walnut Creek, Calif., where he lives. "When you're getting together with friends, work is sort of the binding DNA between you. It is a lot of who we are."

Fortunately, through consulting gigs and a strong network base, Wilk was offered three jobs, and, in April, accepted a position with an online behavioral targeting company. Despite the offers, he still experienced a period of anxiety and uneasiness.

Ray DeLisle is trying to work through similar feelings. But it's difficult. He's not sleeping well and is experiencing some short-term memory loss, both from stress. DeLisle, of Alameda, was laid off in September from his job as resident manager of an apartment complex. Last week, he and his family found a new place to live. And DeLisle is hoping that his four decades of service to the city of Alameda will pay off soon in the form of another job. For strength, he relies on the people and prayers at the Episcopal Church he attends.

"I'm not a down-and-frown, woe-is-me guy," DeLisle says. "What's the point? One door closes and hopefully another one will open."

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SURVIVOR 101

For those left behind, how do they cope with life in the office after layoffs? Here are tips from Emily Hause, an assistant professor of industrial psychology at St. Mary's College:

_Acknowledge the loss of the person(s). Don't act like it's a secret.

_Investigate employer-sponsored counseling options.

_Recognize that your organization is trying to survive. Labor costs are often the biggest expense for companies.

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_Maintain good health habits and dress and act in ways that increase your confidence at work.

_Ignore rumors. They are an unnecessary source of stress.

_Keep communication channels with your boss open.

_Empower yourself by having a plan. Update your resume and maintain networking contacts.

_Take control of your budget.

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© 2008, Contra Costa Times (Walnut Creek, Calif.).