Navigating the holidays nicely

McClatchy Newspapers (MCT) - Ah, Christmas. Decorations, home-cooked meals, shopping, family gatherings and office parties. These are the things that make this time of year special.

Decorating and cooking require physical labor, shopping comes with crazy traffic, family gatherings can set off family arguments, and office parties can be, well, awkward.

All this can add up to a type of stress that's unique to this time of year. And all too often, it dampens holiday cheer.

Terri Thompson, founder of The Etiquette Edge, a business and social etiquette consulting firm in Paris, Ky., has a few tips for the following scenarios straight from the holidays' dank underbelly:

Scenario: You're at a family gathering and tension starts to build (from a discussion of politics, a nagging mother, a family member coming out of the closet; something like that). How do you defuse the situation?

Thompson's advice: "Simply by changing the subject _ even if you have to declare you are changing the subject. It is better to step up and be the one to change the subject than to let the situation escalate and become a shouting match or increasingly awkward. Switch to a light-hearted topic that is non-threatening to everyone."

Scenario: You've received an invitation to a party or event, but you must decline. How do you break the news that you won't be attending?

Advice: "First and foremost, RSVP means to respond every time, not just if you remember to respond or if you feel like it. Also, remember that RSVP involves answering whether you will or will not be attending. If you must decline, then do so directly and graciously, and remember to thank the host/hostess for inviting you."

Scenario: You've received an unexpected gift from someone, and you don't have a gift for him or her. What do you do?

Advice: "This is a tough one. First, genuinely thank them for the gift and their generosity, and then, as tactfully as possible, honestly admit that you do not have anything for them in return. What else can you do?"

Scenario: You've received an insulting or impractical gift from a well-meaning friend or family member. How do you react?

Advice: "React with tact. Thank them kindly, don't overdo or gush, and move on with life."

Scenario: Your neighbor's over-the-top Christmas decorations are keeping you awake at night or cheapening the rest of the neighborhood's decorations. How do you approach him?

Advice: "Since we live in a free society and we are all free to express the Christmas spirit however we choose, there is very little that can be said to a neighbor directly that won't cause a great deal of hard feelings. The best approach to this would be at a general neighborhood meeting where a number of topics are discussed. Then it can be brought up in general terms under non-combative conditions and with the entire neighborhood in mind. Keep in mind that while the Christmas season is relatively short and the decorations will go away soon, you will be neighbors year-round."

Make this Christmas Extra Special with the Gift of Faith

Scenario: A friend or relative is a killjoy or becomes depressed around the holidays, and he's bringing down a party or gathering. How should you respond to him?

Advice: "Open a conversation with this person about a topic he is interested in. Ask questions, ask their opinions, and be genuinely interested in listening to their answers."

Scenario: You're at an office party and a co-worker (or, uh-oh, yourself) has become inebriated and is beginning to make a scene. He seems to have forgotten that he's hanging out with colleagues and not frat brothers. What do you do?

Advice: "Remember that behavior always matters, and no time is it more important than the office party. Stay sober; set a limit for your alcohol consumption prior to going to the party, and stick to this. If someone fails to adhere to this and begins to make a scene, if you can ask them to step aside with you, this is a kind thing to do. Offer them a cup of coffee and let them know they reached their limit and need to stop."

Thompson had several additional suggestions for office gatherings, which can be a perplexing area for employees.

"There's certainly a protocol that goes with a holiday office party, and that does tend to get confusing," she said. "'Is this to have fun and let our hair down, or is the boss watching?' Some of us need a little brush-up on that."

Regarding your company's holiday shindig, keep the following in mind:

_"Make sure you attend. Your attendance isn't optional, and your absence will be noticed by the higher-ups."

_"Mingle. Talk to those you know and those you don't know. While it's safe to stay in your group, work at meeting new people. It may pay off. Additionally, be a good conversationalist; be up on current events and community happenings and able to discuss a variety of topics."

_"Dress appropriately. Simply said, don't wear anything too short, too low or too anything."

_"Pay attention to your body language. Even if it's the most boring party ever, it is not polite to slouch, frown, yawn or act bored in any way."

_"Prepare your spouse. Your spouse should not expect you to stay with him or her the entire evening. Both of you should work the room."

_"As Mama always says, 'knock with your feet.' In other words, you should never arrive empty-handed to a party."

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Visit Thompson's Web site at www.etiquetteinaction.com.

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© 2008, Lexington Herald-Leader (Lexington, Ky.).