The Happy Priest on Helping Men be Free from Lust

Practical and spiritual advice for achieving freedom and growing in holiness and happiness

I would argue that contraception is the reason why so many men are controlled by lust. Contraception increases lust and decreases any chance of a man living a chaste life before or within the Sacrament of Marriage.

P align=justify>CORPUS CHRISTI, TX (Catholic Online) - Many men are controlled by lust. What is lust? The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines lust with these words: "Lust is the disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes" (Catechism of the Catholic Church #2351).

As I wrote in my first book, Man to Man: A Real Priest Speaks to Real Men about Marriage, Sexuality and Family Life, lust is a very powerful sin and it destroys human freedom. Lust is a real problem for most men. Lust is more powerful than an addiction to drugs or to alcohol.

Although we are bombarded every day by a culture that is sexually out of control, authenticity, maturity and coherence are possible in a world filled with hypocrites, charlatans, false prophets and corrupt leaders.

It is possible to be free from the clutches of lust.

In order to be free from lust, a personal decision is necessary. Saint Paul tells us what we must do.

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would. But if you are led by the Spirit you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are plain: fornication, impurity, licentiousness, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, party spirit, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and the like. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God" (Galatians 5: 16-21).

I would argue that contraception is the reason why so many men are controlled by lust. Contraception increases lust and decreases any chance of a man living a chaste life before or within the Sacrament of Marriage.

In his landmark encyclical letter, Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI predicted what would happen if contraceptives were to be made readily available.

First, "let them first consider how easily this course of action could open wide the way for marital infidelity and a general lowering of moral standards. Not much experience is needed to be fully aware of human weakness and to understand that human beings-and especially the young, who are so exposed to temptation-need incentives to keep the moral law, and it is an evil thing to make it easy for them to break that law."

Secondly, "another effect that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection."

When young couples approach their parish for marriage preparation, I recommend that those young couples that are cohabitating should not be allowed to marry in the Catholic Church until they embark upon a personal program that allows them to acquire the virtue of chastity.

The pastor should patiently explain that sexual addiction is a serious impediment to the Sacrament of Marriage and lovingly challenge the couple to embark upon the journey of chastity.

The personal acquisition of the virtue of chastity is the first and a necessary step before considering a life-long decision which the Sacrament of Marriage requires.

This education in chastity should be a well-organized, personalized program developed by the pastor of the parish that involves reading, classes and spiritual direction.

Once the cohabitating couple acquires the virtue of chastity, then and only then should the couple and the pastor even begin to consider the possibility of the Sacrament of Marriage.

Many object to this approach simply because they maintain that Catholic parishes would turn away many young people from the Sacrament of Marriage.

I argue that it would be better to have fewer and better marriages rather than a large number of weddings each year. We cheapen and even destroy the Sacrament of Marriage by dolling out annulments two years after the couple has been married.

During my time as the founding pastor of Saint Helena of the True Cross of Jesus Catholic Church in Corpus Christi, Texas, this is exactly the pastoral approach that I took with the young people that came to me for marriage preparation.

Yes, it is true that we had one, two or maybe even three weddings a year. However, during my almost ten years at Saint Helena's all of my married couples are still married!

Finally, I would also recommend that within marriage preparation courses, we should take a different approach to how we present Natural Family Planning to the young couples that attend these courses.

In many instances, what comes across in our presentations is that Natural Family Planning is an approved method of contraception. When Natural Family Planning is seen in this way, all we are doing is increasing the possibilities that the young couples will continue to be controlled by lust and a contraceptive mentality.

Let's be honest, most young couples that participate in marriage preparation courses are already cohabitating, usually for long periods of time; they are already experts in the available methods of contraception; and they approach the Sacrament of Marriage with a firm decision to have only two children.

Given this situation, I believe that the Catholic Church needs to take a loving but radical approach by challenging young couples to live the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Before we discuss Natural Family Planning in our marriage preparation courses, we should first explain to young couples what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. We should help them to be open to God and his plan over their lives. Thus, this approach will give them the tools that they need to live a joyful and successful marriage. An understanding of Natural Family Planning will flow from their personal relationship with God.

My second book, Get Serious! A Survival Guide for Serious Catholics provides a step-by-step, easy to follow program for anyone who wants to have a serious spiritual life.

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Father James Farfaglia is the new pastor of Our Lady of Guadalupe Catholic Church in Corpus Christi, Texas.  Visit Father James on the web at http://www.fatherjames.org and purchase his new book Get Serious! A Survival Guide for Serious Catholics and his first book, Man to Man: A Real Priest Speaks to Real Men about Marriage, Sexuality and Family Life.  Father has a hard hitting blog called Illegitimi non carborundum.  You can contact Father James at fjficthus@gmail.com.

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