Students hear forceful lesson on cyberbullying

The Record (Hackensack N.J.) (MCT) - HACKENSACK, N.J. _ Student leaders shed tears in a Ramsey, N.J., school one Friday last month as the father of a Vermont teen recounted his son's suicide and put a face to the problem of cyberbullying.

There was Ryan Halligan, playing in the sand. Riding a skateboard. A photo of him blowing out the candles on his 13th birthday.

The powerful presentation by John Halligan was the cornerstone of a daylong summit on cyberbullying held at Eric S. Smith Middle School in Ramsey, N.J. Student government representatives from 10 New Jersey middle schools gathered to discuss the issue and how best to address it.

"Mr. Halligan's story brought out the emotional side of bullying," said Nick Schifano, a Ramsey student council officer. "It shows it doesn't just hurt one person. It hurts family and friends."

As young people spend more time instant messaging, texting, e-mailing and using social networking sites, the peer harassment that once occurred in hallways and schoolyards has followed them into cyberspace, experts say.

"It's so much a part of their life," said Richard Wiener, the Smith School principal. "So we have to equip them to use the technology in a way that's going to be productive, not destructive."

The demand for Halligan to share his story has become so intense that the 23-year IBM employee asked to be included in a group of employees laid off this week so he could deliver Ryan's message full time. He acknowledges it was a risky move, particularly given the economy.

"The schools need and want this," he said.

In Ryan's case, hours spent instant messaging "allowed for a secret life," his father said.

Things appeared to be looking up for the 13-year-old, who suffered from motor-skill and speech delays. He tested out of special education just before middle school and although he endured years of ridicule, Ryan had recently befriended his primary tormenter.

His parents had no reason to suspect anything was amiss when the teen, like many his age, spent the summer months between seventh and eighth grades holed up on the computer chatting with friends.

"The possibility he got bullied all summer long never crossed my mind," Halligan said.

But the lanky, warm-hearted kid was actually online defending himself against vicious rumors questioning his sexuality. After Ryan's death in October 2003, his father learned the truth when he read hundreds of conversations his son was having online.

In his presentation, Halligan urged the middle school students not to be the folks who laugh at the teasing of others.

"A bully wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the power trip he gets from bystanders," he said.

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Bullying has become a hot topic in recent years. The American Medical Association found that 3.2 million children are victims of bullying each year.

Ramsey formed a committee last year called the Tolerance and Anti-Bullying Initiative made up of staff, students and parents. It resulted in a districtwide change of policies relating to student respect. Other districts have instituted anti-bullying efforts.

"The need is exacerbated by the technology," said Board of Education President John Nunziata.

The message from Halligan, explaining how Ryan's abuse had forever changed his entire family, was particularly poignant.

"(Bullying) is probably the No. 1 assembly topic," said Spencer Lambert, an eighth-grader from Ramsey who attended the summit. "But hearing it from a firsthand witness _ and the emotion _ definitely made a difference."

Bullying has been part of the discussion, if not the focus, of each of the six previous student summits held among these New Jersey school districts.

"I don't think it ever goes away," said Dave Pfeiffer, a guidance counselor from Ridgewood, N.J., and co-advisor of the George Washington Middle School student government. "Kids will always have that battle in life."

Increasing awareness, many say, is the best way to diminish it.

By discussing these things, "it lights the fire under them," said Tracy Widowski, a Glen Rock, N.J., social studies teacher and adviser to its student government.

"Kids are very compassionate," she said. "They don't want this to happen to anyone they know."

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© 2009, North Jersey Media Group Inc.