Families lucky enough to have at-home grandmothers heartily endorse the Obamas' plan

Detroit Free Press (MCT) - Calm prevails in Paul and Adrian Leek's spacious contemporary home when snow cancels class at their kids' schools in Ypsilanti, Mich.

Traffic tie-ups no longer panic Dmitry and Carolina Harris, en route from work to get to their children at their Novi, Mich., home.

And when Lori Anderson's daughter, Lauren, has after-school rehearsals with the Mosaic Youth Theater of Detroit, there's no worry about how she'll get there from her home in Southfield, Mich.

The three families have a treasured weapon in the battle to balance work and family responsibilities: live-in grandmas.

"I know my mom is taking as good care of our children as I would, if not better," Adrian Leek says.

While the concept of live-in grandparents is certainly not new, it's receiving renewed attention because President-elect Barack Obama's mother-in-law, Marian Robinson, 71, plans to move into the White House, at least on a trial basis, to help with the Obama girls.

Census figures show that multi generational households are on the rise, largely because of the economy. More than 3.6 million adults lived with adult children in 2007 _ up 67 percent from 2000. Another census report shows that 42 percent of live-in grandparents are the primary caregivers for their grandchildren.

Ama Agyemang, coordinator of the Kinship Care Resource Center at Michigan State University, suspects the numbers are greater because of many informal arrangements.

"The value of extended family relationships has really been underestimated," Agyemang says. "Grandparents provide stability, family cohesiveness and solidarity. And I think we're seeing a shift from the nuclear family back to the extended family."

Robinson's move to the White House next week will give the Obama children, Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, stability and their parents peace of mind. Robinson cared for the children during the long presidential campaign.

Senior citizens advocates are praising the upcoming move because they say Robinson typifies the vitality and the value of independent older Americans.

As many families will tell you, however, you don't have to have the demands of a president and first lady to call on Grandma.

Adrian Leek had a toddler and was a month away from delivering her second child when she called her mother, Justner Graham, to ask if she'd leave suburban Chicago to come live with her and her husband, Paul, in January 2005.

"I knew how tough it was with one; having two and someone you can trust with them is major," says Adrian Leek, 40, a hospitality sales representative for the Marriott in Ann Arbor, Mich.

Graham says she was concerned about leaving her other eight grandchildren.

"I was also a little anxious because I was leaving more grandchildren than I was coming to care for, but those grandchildren are all older," says Graham, 69, who was primarily a stay-at-home mom for her five children and helped care for other grandchildren.

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Paul Leek, 39, acknowledges he was hesitant because of all the negative images about mothers-in-law. He consulted an older brother, Craig, who said he'd love it if his own mother-in-law moved in.

Now starting their fourth year of the arrangement, Paul Leek's only concern is that Mama G, as they call her, might want to go back to Chicago someday.

"My friends at work tease me because when I get to work, I have breakfast and lunch and coffee that she has prepared for me," says Leek, an engineer for Visteon. "They smell all that aroma and they say, 'Oh, your mother-in-law did it again, huh?' And sometimes she sends goodies for my co-workers."

But Graham's real value comes from the care she gives the children, Kyndall, 5, and Paul Jr., 3, their parents say.

They work as a team. The parents get the children up and dressed for school. When they all get downstairs, Mama G has breakfast and lunch ready. Paul Jr. is ready for the bus that picks him up in front of their home at 7:40 a.m. and Adrian Leek drops her daughter off at a nearby bus stop on her way to work.

Paul Jr. arrives home from preschool about noon; Kyndall gets home about 4. Mama G is there to greet them, feed them and care for them until their parents get home.

A similar arrangement works at the Novi home of Dmitry and Carolina Harris, where her mom, Carolina Estrada, 70, helps care for Maya, 8, and Benjamin, 6.

Dmitry Harris, an engineer at Brembo, an automotive brakes supplier, has to be at his job in Northville at 7 a.m.; Carolina Harris is on her job as an engineer at Chrysler in Auburn Hills by 6 a.m. Their children leave for school at 8:30 a.m. and return about 4.

At her daughter and son-in-law's request, Estrada, a retired teacher, moved from Mexico City in January 2007 to care for her only grandchildren.

"I cannot even describe to you how much more peaceful my life is," Carolina Harris says. "I'm no longer driving home like crazy hoping there's no traffic backup so I can get there to pick them up in time. Having her with us is such a blessing."

The children say there's another plus too. Grandma makes their favorite food _ enfrijoladas _ a kind of enchilada with bean sauce.

"And she helps us do our homework," Maya adds.

Grandparents help with older children as well.

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Lori Mells Anderson, 44, of Southfield calls her mom, Nora Holt, 76, who moved in with her three years ago, a godsend.

"Lauren would not be able to do all her activities if it were not for my mom," says Anderson, a single mom and computer consultant at Compuware. Lauren Anderson, 12, is active in after-school activities, including singing with the Mosaic Youth Theater of Detroit.

Anderson gets Lauren to school before she goes to work, but she doesn't have to worry about being there and making sure she has something healthy to eat when she arrives home.

"It's reassuring and I'm so appreciative," Anderson says. "She's not living on fast food. And it's a big saving for latchkey too."

The two women share housecleaning duties and sometimes cooking, but Holt's diet is more restricted so they don't always eat the same things.

Anderson says the only problem is that is that her mother, a retired social worker, is so active they have to keep a calendar to make sure they're clear on who's doing what.

"People laugh about my calendar, but communication is the key," she says. "If I write it down, there's no excuse."

The advantages aren't one-way.

The grandmothers point out that they no longer have the chores, expenses and worries that come with taking care of a house on their own. And they have the comfort of knowing their grandchildren are receiving good care.

"With my old age, I don't have to do outside stuff, like shoveling the snow," Graham says.

Carolina Estrada's grandkids call her Abuelita _ an affectionate Spanish term for grandmother. "I am very happy to stay here; Maya and Benjamin are my only grandchildren," she says.

Holt says: "We're all basically providing a loving and supportive milieu. We share the cooking. I don't feel obligated to help with the housework, but I do if I want to."

There's another mutual advantage to the grands' live-in arrangement, metro Detroit families say.

"It's not just what she does that's important, but by being here there's a relationship that's building between our children and their grandmother," Adrian Leek says. "And that relationship is stronger because of her presence."

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FIRST GRANNY HISTORY

It's been a while, but Marian Robinson won't be the first First Granny in the White House.

Harry Truman's mother-in-law, Madge Gates Wallace, lived there.

Dwight D. Eisenhower's mother-in-law, Elvira Doud, spent winters there.

And, although she didn't live there, Laura Bush's mother, Jenna Welch, often spent weeks at a time at the White House, according to the Washington Post.

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IN HER WORDS

A person who enjoys her privacy, Marian Robinson, below, 71, rarely grants interviews. But a few comments from People magazine and the Boston Globe give insight into what she thinks on a number of topics.

_On moving into the White House on a trial basis:

"I love those people, but I love my own house. The White House reminds me of a museum. How do you sleep in a museum?"

_On taking care of her grandchildren while their parents campaigned:

"I'm doing it, but I really want to do it. It's not even a job. It's like, if somebody's gonna be with these kids other than their parents, it better be me."

_On her children's accomplishments:

"People always ask if I'm proud of my children, and all the stuff they do is fine, but the thing I'm most proud of is they're good parents. That's what gives me the most comfort. All this other stuff is secondary."

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© 2009, Detroit Free Press.