Children finding parents' putting restrictions on Christmas spending

Chicago Tribune (MCT) - For years, Roshelle Doty heaped video games, clothes, electronics, dolls and toys upon her children at Christmas.

But like so many other parents navigating the rough economy, Doty recently sat her 8- 10- and 11-year old children down and explained that this year will be different.

"I told them this Christmas they'll get two gifts apiece," said the 28-year-old single mother from Robbins, Ill. "My kids usually can have whatever they want and desire, as long as their grades are up. This year, my budget is $50 per kid."

The days of the pampered child seem over for many families in the Chicago region. And now, with the holidays drawing close, many parents are having conversations about money, the economy and what it means for their seasonal traditions.

Raised during a plush era where the norm included designer purses and jeans that cost triple digits, many in this generation are accustomed to expensive toys under the Christmas tree.

But Tom Alex of Hoffman Estates, Ill., told his 3-year-old twins they'd get only one gift each this year. Last year, they got to open five wrapped toys.

"They weren't too happy," he said of his boys, George and Konstantine. "I told them times are tough, and Santa won't give toys like he used to. They came to terms with it."

Parents say they're taking a variety of approaches: setting strict spending limits, buying practical gifts or trying to place the focus on meaningful presents rather than material ones. And many have weighed, or are weighing, how to explain the cutbacks to their children.

Financial adviser Marla Brady recommends a blunt approach.

"Parents need to be honest with their children," said Brady, who works at Polaris Wealth Management. "They have to explain how the cash station works _ you can only get money out if you have it in an account. Kids think you can just go to a machine and money appears."

For the holidays, parents should focus on family outings that stress togetherness and not material items, Chicago-based author Susan Smith Kuczmarski said. "Say, 'Not having gifts doesn't mean you don't have love. We have love and each other, and that's what matters.'"

It might be a good time for parents to think about not only how much they've spent on their children in the past, but why, some experts said.

"There are many psychologists, if you read their hypotheses, saying parents overcompensate for working too much. They substitute (material goods) for lack of time," said Dara Duguay, a personal finance author and director of Citi's Office of Financial Education. "Now this is the new reality."

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Ultimately, experts say, the conversations and the example parents set afterward can provide valuable and enduring life lessons.

Evanston, Ill., mom Tori Foreman said she has already seen changes in the way her four children, ages 7 to 17, view spending.

Last month, she and her husband told the children that the economy is shaky, basic goods cost more money, and they all have to live by a budget.

They created work sheets that show each child's spending allowance and what each of them decided to save for major items. When their sheet says zero, they know not to ask for extras, Foreman said.

Fourteen-year-old Randy Foreman said before the talk with his parents, he spent his allowance freely. Now he's more thoughtful.

"I'll be about to buy something, and I'll hear the voice in my head, 'Do I really need this?' or 'Is it worth the money?'" Randy said. "People don't do that, and they buy what they want."

Kim Klamm, also of Evanston, said she and her husband told their eight children to focus on having fun during the holidays, not gifts.

"This year, we decided to visit nieces and cousins in Montana. We will go skiing, and that will be Christmas," she said. "They might still make gifts for each other. My kids would rather see their cousins. They don't care about stuff."

Gunda Palmer hasn't explained to her 5-year-old son, Carson, that he'll be getting less this year. But she did have a strategy for managing expectations, telling him to be specific when he writes his list for Santa and to focus on the gifts he really wants, not extras.

"Last year, we didn't really have limits like we have this year," the mother from Palatine, Ill., said. "My husband keeps saying, 'Watch what you're doing. It's not like it was before.'"

Some parents noted that they have been pleased by how their children took the news.

Lander Nicholas Braggs was used to a few indulgences: $50 video games for his PlayStation, a new pair of Nike Air Force Ones every other month, weekly haircuts at the barbershop and lavish Saturday brunches at a suburban restaurant.

But his mother, Nicole Howell, tightened the purse strings after losing her job, and warned the 11-year-old not to expect an extravagant Christmas.

"He doesn't believe in Santa Claus, and he knows mommy doesn't have a lot of money," said Howell, a single mother from South Chicago Heights. "I said, 'You're a great kid, but I can only afford so much.'"

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Asked recently how he was feeling about the family's new budget, Lander said he doesn't understand everything, but he's learning.

"I was not mad, because I can be OK without getting extra stuff," he said. "I just encourage her. I tell her, 'It'll be OK. God will help us through.'"

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KEEP KIDS CALM IN TOUGH TIMES

Experts suggest these tips in helping kids cope with cut­backs during the holidays _ and after.

_Tailor explanations to the child's age. Any child old enough to ask for Christmas gifts is old enough to learn about money.

_Be honest about your financial situation, but be careful not to scare them. For example, don't say you're "in the poorhouse." Rather, say: "We have less money and have to be more careful about how we spend it."

_Reassure them that you have to cut back, but you will always take care of them, and you will survive as a family. Say: "As long as we're together at the holidays, we will be OK."

_Don't downplay a child's concerns _ offer age-appropriate responses.

_Keep up routines: bedtime stories, dinner at the table, inexpensive or free holiday traditions.

_Explain that cutbacks at home are a result of a pattern in the U.S. economy. It is not their fault or because they did something wrong.

_Admit your mistakes _ if you overspent or depended too much on credit, explain it and use it as a lesson.

_Lead by example. If you ask children to cut back spending, you should cut back as well.

_Create a family plan: Ask children how they think you can save.

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(Tribune correspondent Gerry Smith contributed to this report.)

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© 2008, Chicago Tribune.