What we see, is what we get

ST. PAUL, Minn. (Top 20 Press) - "The Frame: What We See Is What We Get" is the second excerpt from Top 20 Teens this chapter offers some tools to change perspective and actions.

Before we get into a new concept, "The Frame," let's do a quick review of a few major points: 1. We have an abundance of potential waiting to be developed.
2. That potential is power within us that can make a positive difference in our lives, relationships and experiences.
3. That potential gets activated by how we "TLC" - Think, Learn and Communicate.
4. "Top 20" people TLC in ways that activate their potential to make a positive difference in their lives. "Bottom 80s" TLC in ways that have a negative impact on their lives. All of the concepts we will be covering in this series will help you develop your Top 20 TLC (Thinking, Learning and Communicating) skills so you can activate your inner power, explode your potential and create a better life for yourself and others. Who's in Charge of Your Life? Wow!! That's a pretty important question. How would you answer it? That depends whether you're thinking like a "Bottom 80" or a "Top 20." Bottom 80s would say other people are in charge of their lives or that outside circumstances or conditions are in charge of their lives. If those things changed, their lives would get better. Top 20s would answer the question differently. They would say they are in charge of their lives. They know that the biggest factor in determining what they are getting out of life is the way they see things. In other words, Top 20s would say it's their own Frame that's controlling their life. What's the Frame? The Frame is a simple way of understanding what influences our lives and the results we are experiencing. What the Frame suggests is that: • The way we SEE things (what we think or believe about situations, other people or ourselves) affects how we FEEL.
• How we FEEL affects what we DO (our behavior or actions).
• What we DO affects what we GET (the results).
• What we GET tends to reinforce how we SEE (our thinking or beliefs). Let's use an example to see how this works. Imagine that your English teacher has assigned you to read a play by Shakespeare. The way you see this assignment will likely make a difference in the results you get. But what if you saw the assignment differently. The Frame is a powerful tool by which you can look at situations and relationships in order to create a better experience for yourself and get the results you most desire. Here are some examples of how students use the Frame to get better results. - "I have a 90-minute class that's a big challenge for me to stay focused. I have started to SEE it as three 30-minute classes instead and it really helps pass the time and keep my interest." - Nikki - "The Frame completely and instantly changed my life. Now I relate almost everything I do to the Frame. It's my homemade insurance policy. When I don't know what to do, I take out a pen and paper and draw the Frame." - Fred - "After school every day I had a job. I would always see it as such a horrible thing and how I didn't want to do it. By the end of the day I'd feel lazy and not do the work as well as I should. Then my supervisor would tell me that people complained. So the day we learned See-Feel-Do-Get I decided to look forward to work. When I did that I did my work better and got compliments instead of complaints." - Sara So here's the deal. If you are getting the results you want to be getting, keep doing what you're doing, keep feeling what you're feeling and keep seeing it how you're seeing it. But what if you're not getting the results you desire? Now what? That depends on whether you're operating as a Top 20 or a Bottom 80. Bottom 80 Options If you're not getting what's important to you and you're operating as a Bottom 80, you have three options. 1. Change nothing but expect things to get better. If you keep seeing it as you have been seeing it and keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting the same results.
2. Change what you feel or do. This might make a little difference in the results you're getting but it won't bring about the big, long-lasting changes you desire. Furthermore, the new action would still present a challenge for you. It would always seem like hard work.
3. Blame someone else or the conditions for the bad results you're getting. Bottom 80s almost always leave fingerprints of blame when they're not getting what they want to be getting. They blame a teacher for a class being boring or a coach for not getting enough playing time in a game. They blame the dog for messing up their homework or the weather for messing up their camping trip. What really happens when we blame? All people have power to make a positive difference in their lives. When we blame, we give away that power to another person or condition. We become a powerless victim unable to make a difference. We're stuck in yuck and continue to experience the bad results we've been getting. Because it has such a negative impact on our lives, we'll be saying more about blame during later lessons in this series. Top 20 Options If you're not getting what's important to you and you're operating as a Top 20 person, you have a powerful option--be CURIOUS. You could think, "Wonder how I could see this differently." You could ask, "How can I see this person...situation...myself differently?" Top 20s never give up power to make a difference in their lives by blaming. Rather, they expand their power to make a difference by being curious and seeing it differently. As a Top 20, you know that the most powerful corner of the Frame is SEE. You know that by being curious and changing how you see (think or believe), you will change what you are feeling, doing and getting. Change in seeing gives you the possibility for big changes in the results you desire. Furthermore, the new action will seem more natural because it will flow out of the new seeing. It's your choice: blame and you'll stay stuck in yuck or be curious and you'll activate your power to make a positive difference in your life. Be Aware Remember the Shakespeare example? If you felt the class was 'stupid' or 'boring', would those feelings be real? Of course they would. But that's how Bottom 80s get fooled. They think that because their feelings are real, the way they are seeing is real (true or correct). Sometimes it may be but sometimes it's not. Top 20s realize that their real feelings made not be connected to correct or true seeing. Therefore, they're more quickly willing to challenge the way they're seeing (thinking or believing). "I know my feelings are real but maybe I'm not seeing this correctly." This is what we'll be dealing with in the next lesson. Until then, be aware. Time for Action 1. Consider your most challenging class, relationship or experience where you're not getting the results you'd like to be getting.
a. How do you see it?
b. How do you feel about it?
c. What are you doing? Are you blaming?
d. What are the results you are getting? 2. Challenge yourself to 'reframe' or 'see' this class, relationship or situation differently.
a. If you have difficulty seeing it differently, ask someone who sees it another way.
b. How would this new way of seeing affect your feelings and actions?
c. What different results might you now expect?

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Republished by Catholic Online with permission of Top 20 Press. Copies of the book Top 20 Teens may be ordered at Top 20 Press (www.top20training.com).