Uninvolved parents, Internet porn blamed for rise in abuse by youths

HUNTINGTON, Ind. (Our Sunday Visitor) - Any kind of violence or sexual abuse against children is heartbreaking, but when the perpetrators of the crimes are children themselves, it takes the tragedy to a whole new level.

We seem to be hearing about more of these cases lately, from the horrific story of the 12-year-old Pennsylvania boy with a history of violence who raped a first-grader to the increasingly more common incidents of outcast teenagers picking up guns and killing their schoolmates. What would cause a child to become a violent offender or a sexual predator? Is there an increase in the actual number of cases, or have we as a society just become more aware of what's been happening under our noses all along? Experts say that the statistics cannot yet confirm if there is a dramatic increase in child-on-child violence, but what they are seeing anecdotally is a definite rise in sexual abuse of children by children, something they attribute to the easy availability of pornography on the Internet and the all-too-common lack of parental involvement in children's lives. "We are seeing a sharp rise in kids who are sexually abusing younger kids. In almost every case, when we look back at the impetus if the child has not been sexually abused they were exploring on the Internet and saw something they were not prepared for," said Joseph White, a clinical child psychologist who is also director of Catholic Family Counseling and Family Life for the Diocese of Austin, Texas. Trolling the Internet White told Our Sunday Visitor that allowing children to troll around the Internet without filtering devices on the computer and without parental supervision is like dropping them off in the middle of New York's Times Square all alone. They might find something good, but they will definitely find something their parents wouldn't want them exposed to. "We cannot assume that our children would not look at these things no matter how well-behaved they are or how good their upbringing. It is very difficult for young kids and teenagers to avoid the impulse to engage in this behavior when it's right in front of them," White said, explaining that the part of the brain that controls impulses is not fully developed until the 20s. White says he has worked with children whose parents are very protective and had no idea their children were viewing pornography. The kids tell him in counseling that they did it because they were curious, but that they would not have done it if they had thought their mother or father could walk in at any moment. That leads to White's most important caveat for parents: Never let a child have an Internet-connected computer in his or her room or in any room that is out of a parent's view. Lisa Klewicki, a licensed clinical psychologist in practice in Falls Church, Va., told Our Sunday Visitor that she, too, is seeing a dramatic rise in the number of children sexually abusing other children, and, like White, she believes the numbers correlate to the exposure to pornography. "What I have seen is that as the rate of pornography increases, the rate of sexual exposure during childhood increases and the ages get lower," she said. Klewicki said that when children see pornography, even if it is unintentional, there is a physiological reaction in their bodies that they often don't understand. She also said that in many cases children are not just viewing pornography on the Internet but through files they find on their own parents' computers. She said it's important for parents to be around their children on a more regular basis and to build a "real relationship" with kids, one where they are comfortable coming to them if they view something they don't understand. "They will be honest with you if they feel they can trust you," she said. Faithful watchers It may sound simplistic, but most psychologists say that when parents are diligent about what's going in their children's lives and when they model good behavior for their children, they can head off some of the problems that lead to aggression and violence in children. "The best thing we can do is to be in regular, consistent, meaningful interaction with them. The source of the development of empathy comes from the relationships they have with important adults in their lives," White said. "In our society, the family has become increasingly fragmented, from not only the extended family but also from one another." He said that early intervention is the key in any instance where a child is exhibiting aggressive or anti-social behaviors. As opposed to taking a wait-and-see approach with children who may be showing signs of problems, parents and professionals should act sooner rather than later. "Whenever a child stands out in a group of peers the same age, that is something to pay attention to," said White, stressing that educators are often in the best position to evaluate this sort of thing because of their regular contact with groups of similarly aged children. Notice self-control White said that it's important for parents to notice whether a child who is aggressive is behaving in a calculated way, demonstrating a lack of empathy, or an impulsive way, demonstrating a lack of self-control. Problems with self-control in one area of a child's life make it more likely that there may be self-control problems elsewhere. "For some kids, there is no adult noticing that. It's not until something big happens that they realize there's a problem. They're not catching the little things," he explained, stressing that parents must model self-control for their children. Psychologist Klewicki said that a lot of self-control problems arise from our "instant gratification" society, where children feel entitled to whatever they want whenever they want it. They have no sense of how to delay gratification or take "no" for answer, she said. Parents can get a sense of how well their children are adjusted by watching how they interact with a younger sibling, Klewicki added. If they have a sense of remorse when they do something wrong and take it upon themselves to apologize, then it's easier to help them learn to look and think before acting or speaking in a way that is hurtful. "How compassionate are they toward their siblings and their peers and their parents? The more compassionate they are, the less likely they are going to move into more aggressive behavior," she said. - - - Mary DeTurris Poust is a contributing editor to Our Sunday Visitor.

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Republished with permission by Catholic Online from the Nov. 2, 2007, issue of Our Sunday Visitor newspaper (www.osv.com) in Huntington, Ind., a Catholic Online Preferred Publishing Partner.