UCAN: Pakistan Catholic parish-based forum helps transform families

LAHORE, Pakistan (UCAN) - Misunderstandings blew up between Jesper Ruth and his wife over how to manage their time. Their children reacted to their mother and father not talking to each other by playing outside the house or watching television, and their homework suffered.

As Ruth related, he and his wife became strangers and the family stopped having meals together. "I was annoyed at not getting my clothes washed and pressed, and not getting my meals cooked in time, without considering that (my wife) was working too," he said. Both of them are teachers. Attitudes changed, he reported, after they joined the Family Fellowship Forum of St. Mary's Parish in Lahore, 270 kilometers (about 170 miles) southeast of Islamabad. The forum marked its first anniversary on Nov. 11. Standing onstage during the anniversary program, Ruth said, "The biblical references, the counseling of the parish priest and the examples of other Catholic families guided us to change our attitudes." He told the audience that he now realizes his wife needs time to relax, and he helps with the dishes and the children's homework. The Ruth family was among several that shared at the anniversary program held at St. Mary's School compound. Archbishop Lawrence Saldanha of Lahore presided at the event, attended by about 100 couples from the forum and another 250 Catholics, including four priests and a few nuns. The celebration started with a skit portraying conflicts between a new daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law, and their later reconciliation after joining the fellowship program. A tableau portrayed Adam as lonely with just animals as friends until Eve joins him in the Garden of Eden. Performers included students and women teachers of St. Thomas School. Archbishop Saldanha cut a cake with members of the fellowship and handed out certificates of honor to couples seen as leading "exemplary married lives." He advised families to eat together at least once a day, and to leave the television off at least one day in a week. The forum meets every two months to discuss issues such as tolerance in the family, children's formation and values education. Member families are encouraged to get acquainted with and visit each other. A special feature of the forum initiated by Capuchin Father Morris Jalal, the St. Mary's parish priest, is that members recognized as "successful couples" listen to troubled couples or families and offer suggestions from their own life and faith experience. The Yousaf couple told UCA News they advise others to approach their marriage as a Sacrament rather than a master-servant relationship. At the anniversary event, the Ruths and other couples shared their problems, which typically come about when the wife feels overworked and under-appreciated. Conflicts within the extended family system and financial issues also give rise to marital problems. Patras Masih, married for 10 years, admitted that he used to slap his wife and throw crockery at her, but stopped after joining the forum. "I apologized to my wife," he added. A house painter by profession, Patras lives in an extended family arrangement with his two brothers, both of them also married. He said this has been a source of tension, especially when he was out of work. Pakistanis commonly live in extended families to share resources and for a greater sense of security. A frequent source of problems in this situation is a daughter-in-law falling short of her mother-in-law's expectations. Father Jalal told UCA News he started the forum after a number of parishioners sought counseling from him about their family problems. He cited as his inspiration the centuries-old rural panchayat system, an assembly of respected elders chosen to settle disputes. Another driving force behind the forum, he said, is match-making, to counter "the increasing trend of Christian girls marrying Muslim suitors." This tends to happen because Christian girls are generally more educated than the boys, which makes it hard for their parents to find good matches. A marriage between children of two of the member couples is expected to take place next year, Father Jalal continued, calling it a success for the forum. The priest stressed the need to implement such programs in city parishes, where he said people do not even know their neighbors. According him, St. Mary's Parish has about 2,200 Catholic families, 40 percent of which moved here from areas outside Lahore.

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Republished by Catholic Online with permission of the Union of Catholic Asian News (UCA News), the world's largest Asian church news agency (www.ucanews.com).