New baby, new roles, new life

ESSEX JUNCTION, Vt. - (Catholic Online) In her book Parenting with Respect and Peacefulness, Louise Dietzel provides parents with useful and practical information to help cope with many of the challenges of caring and modeling for children.

The following excerpt is the first of a three-part series directed to new parents, whose lives will never quite be the same. Parents are very important people Parents wear many hats and play many roles. No other job is so diverse. Being a parent requires the ability and skills to play numerous roles, including: accountant, arbitrator, bookkeeper, bottle washer, caregiver, cheerleader, coach, confidant, consultant, cook, counselor, dietician, fence-setter, friend, gate-keeper, guide, juggler, launderer, mechanic, mediator, mentor, nurse, nurturer, organizational engineer, paramedic, police person, referee, taxi driver and teacher. The change from adult-child to parent is one of the most profound times in your life. Your other life transitions, like entering public school, adolescence, high school or college, starting a career, or getting married, do not include the same degree of responsibility. The difference is that you are the big person who is responsible for a little person. The transformation for you is so profound that the pictures in your head that you created about parenting slowly begin to change as do the answers that you were so sure about. There is no way to imagine the role until you are in the role. When your child is born, and throughout her/his growing years, you realize how unprepared you are for parenting and that there is no turning back. It is too late to change you mind now. Your child is here and is dependent on you. Your degree of significance increases with each year's growth and challenges. You are caught between knowing the miracle of your child's life, and knowing the awesome responsibility of parenting. You are the most important adult in your children's lives. This is true for both birth and adoptive parents. Other adults may love your children, yet no one is as connected to or invested in your child as you. You are so important that when you die, you cannot be replaced. A child who loses a parent spends her/his lifetime healing the loss. It is the greatest loss a child can experience. The thought is constantly with her/him wondering what her/his life might be like if her/his mother or father were still alive. Your feelings of inadequacy, mistakes made and omissions never negate your importance. On the contrary, your errors are opportunities for learning and growth. The impact from this importance will be felt by your children long after they no longer live with you. For some, becoming a parent just happened, and for others it was a deliberate and planned choice. Either way, you are very important to your children. Your major training is on-the-job You have no other job that is so demanding, never-ending, all-encompassing and full-time. No other job has so little instruction with the only substantial training being on-the-job. No other job carries so much blame or judgment if things do not turn out well. No other job has such long-lasting impact coupled with good intentions, commitment, and love. You can rely on three sources to help guide the way to effective parenting: 1. Your first and best resource is your childhood, knowing that you have created ways to learn, enjoy, and survive. The main difference between you and your child is 20 or 30 years, more bumps and bruises, more wisdom, less energy and optimism, more reality-testing behaviors, more joys and regrets, dreams to fulfill, and time passing rapidly. 2. Listen carefully to your heart, intuition and common sense. Over and over, believing in your importance gives you permission to listen to your heart. 3. Talking and sharing with other parents to remind you that you are not alone with your questions, concerns, joys and fears. You know how good it feels to hear that another person went through the same experience you had and survived. (Part 2 of this series will address some basic parenting tools.) - - - Louise A. Dietzel is a practicing psychologist-master, clinical mental health counselor and mother of three.

Enjoy Daily Readings? Pay it Forward

---

The information from the book, Parenting with Respect and Peacefulness was made available to Catholic Online by permission of the author, Louise Dietzel. The book may be ordered at (www.louisedietzelparenting.com).