Sewing ministry provides comfort for grieving parents

TULSA, Okla. - When a baby is stillborn or dies shortly after birth, "no one is ever prepared," said Maggie Smith, perinatal bereavement coordinator at St. Francis Hospital in Tulsa.

P>But members of the St. Gianna Interment Gown Sewing Guild do what they can to ease the pain by sewing gowns, caps, bonnets, blankets and burial pouches for the tiniest infants. Between 70 and 100 babies are stillborn or die shortly after birth each year at St. Francis. This number does not include babies lost through miscarriage. The families may have some clothing, but it is usually for a 6- to 8-pound baby, Smith said. Many of these babies are between 1 and 3 pounds. Finding appropriate clothing for babies this small always was a challenge. "We want to be able to take a picture of the baby, and it is so important that we can dress them rather than just wrap them in a blanket," Smith said. The pictures mean so much to the families because they are all they have to remember their baby. Families receive a box with two identical gowns; the baby is usually buried in one gown, and the family keeps the other. Smith said the gowns become a part of that baby's story. "The memories you are making for them are beautiful," she told members of the guild at a recent luncheon. "Families are always 'blown away' by the boxes they receive," Smith added. "In the midst of their grief, they cannot believe someone has taken the time to do this for them. They always ask who made the gowns and are so grateful to them." Knowing what to say to someone who has lost a baby can be difficult. Smith encourages friends and family to offer a simple "I'm sorry." This gives the mothers or fathers an opportunity to tell their story if they wish. The guild formed about a year ago, after Cathy Larschan, who works in labor and delivery at the hospital and volunteers at the St. Francis Xavier Clinic, which serves predominantly low-income Hispanics, mentioned the need for tiny interment gowns to Susie Spanier. Around that same time, Father Tim Davison, a priest of the Tulsa Diocese, got a visit from his sister-in-law, Janice Davison of Ohio, who told the women at a Confraternity of Christian Mothers meeting about a group from her home parish that sewed the tiny gowns. She mailed the patterns to Spanier, and the sewing guild was ready to begin. Spanier sent out one e-mail asking parishes to put a notice in their bulletins seeking volunteer seamstresses. "The Holy Spirit took over from there, and the response was overwhelming," she told The Eastern Oklahoma Catholic, the official publication of the Diocese of Tulsa. Women from at least six parishes in the diocese have made several hundred gowns or accessories since last summer. Spanier coordinates the program with Toni Wersal.

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