Intimacy not about sex, speaker tells Catholic singles' conference

DENVER, Colo. - Although 98 percent of pop culture references to intimacy today are about sex, intimacy is not about sex but about relationships -- not just between husband and wife but between friends, author and retreat leader Matthew Kelly told Catholic singles Feb. 10.

"Sex doesn't mean intimacy, it doesn't guarantee intimacy, it isn't necessary for intimacy," he said at the second National Catholic Singles Conference, held Feb. 10-12 in Denver. Noting that half of all marriages end in divorce, Kelly told the crowd that what was missing in most of these relationships was a common underlying purpose. "People get married and have children," he said. "The kids grow up and leave and suddenly these people have no common purpose. People married 30 and 40 years get divorced because once the kids are gone, there's no reason to stay together." People know that their relationships can be better, but most don't have a clue as to how to begin, Kelly said. "I ask a question in my retreats," he said. "What's not working in your life? And 90 percent of the people will include 'relationship' on that list. When I ask them in priority order, 90 percent put 'relationship' at the top of the list. Relationships are very important to people, they weigh heavily on people's hearts; we distract ourselves with all kinds of things like career, activities, money or possessions." Kelly outlined "the seven levels of intimacy," which is also the title of his latest book: cliche; facts; opinions; hopes and dreams; feelings; fears, faults and failures; and legitimate needs. "The only people I know who are happy are those who have a sense of mission," he said. "Those who feel they've been created or called to something. You have people going out and getting what they want on an ever increasing basis and there is no evidence out there that it makes anyone happy." Other speakers at the conference included author and columnist Mary Beth Bonacci, who conducted a workshop on "Theology of the Body 101," and Father Thomas Loya, pastor of Annunciation of the Mother of God Byzantine Catholic Church in Homer Glen, Ill., who spoke on "Who Man Is For Woman and Who Woman Is For Man." Other convention activities included Masses with Archbishop Charles J. Chaput of Denver and Bishop Michael J. Sheridan of Colorado Springs, small group discussions, nightly prayer, a rosary walk and a St. Valentine's dance. Anastasia Northrop, director of the National Catholic Singles Conference, said attendance at the 2006 convention topped last year, when more than 400 people from all over the United States attended. The event was co-sponsored by Catholic Match, CatholicSingles com and Ave Maria Singles. Mary Lane of Seattle said she found out about the conference online and made a snap decision to come. "This isn't the sort of thing I normally go to," she told the Denver Catholic Register, newspaper of the archdiocese. "But I've followed some of the speakers for some time and really wanted to hear what Mr. Kelly had to say." Lane said she was hoping for a sense of fellowship from those attending the conference. "I come from a state that is not very religious," she said, "so the chance to be around so many like-minded people is reinvigorating." Copyright (c) 2006 Catholic News Service/U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops

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Copyright (c) 2007 Catholic News Service/U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops