Church in the Mirror: Archbishop Dolan, Abuse and Speaking the Truth in Love

A description of a recent encounter with a happy ending

Those who hate the Church are getting a lot of press these days. We are the perfect target and, through the despicable actions of a few, easy to attack.In this day and age, the truth can still set you free. In this case, a truthful and honest look at the scandal of abuse can put this horrific issue in context. While not excusing the actions or dismissing the lack of proper oversight, this truth can free us to see the Church in a different light.

WASHINGTON, DC (Catholic Online) - It wasn't that many years ago when, as a bishop in the Charismatic Episcopal Church, I was mistaken for a Catholic bishop and taken to task for the abuses going on in the Church. It was at the March for Women's Lives in Washington, held to encourage a pro-abortion mandate and other related causes. A group of us were on the sidelines in our clerics praying for the marchers.

"Why don't you go home and leave us the **** alone!" one cried out. A grandmotherly-looking woman glared at me and then lifted her middle finger in my direction. We simply stood quietly and prayed.

"You fondle little boys. You're nothing but a hypocrite!" another yelled. "Pedophile! Pervert!" The group walking by became so heated that the Park Police put a motorcycle in front of me and placed a group of officers around us.

This memory came back to me as I read a recent post by Archbishop Timothy Dolan on his blog, The Gospel in the Digital Age. It concerned an encounter he had at the Denver Airport with a fellow traveler.

I have long had deep respect for the Archbishop of New York, having first met him during his tenure in Milwaukee before my reception into the Church. As I read this encounter, I could hear him saying these words, knowing the timber of his voice would be that of a pastor talking to a hurting parishioner.

I hope he won't mind me sharing some large nuggets of this encounter with our readers. The exchange was an honest, loving and truthful response to someone angered by the things going on in the Church.

The encounter took place at Denver International Airport as Archbishop Dolan was waiting for the train to shuttle him to the main terminal. I'll let the Archbishop tell it in his own words.

The Archbishop writes:

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It was only the third time it had happened to me in my nearly thirty-five happy years as a priest, all three times over the last nine-and-a-half years.

Other priests tell me it has happened to them a lot more.

Three is enough.  Each time has left me so shaken I was near nausea.
It happened last Friday . . .

I had just arrived at the Denver Airport, there to speak at their popular annual "Living Our Catholic Faith" conference.

As I was waiting with the others for the electronic train to take me to the terminal, a man, maybe in his mid-forties, waiting as well, came closer to me.

"Are you a Catholic priest?" he kindly asked.

"Sure am.  Nice to meet you," says I, as I offered my hand.

He ignored it.  "I was raised a Catholic," he replied, almost always a hint of a cut to come, but I was not prepared for the razor sharpness of the stiletto, as he went on, "and now, as a father of two boys, I can't look at you or any other priest without thinking of a sexual abuser."

What to respond?  Yell at him?  Cuss him out?  Apologize?  Deck him?  Express understanding?  I must admit all such reactions came to mind as I staggered with shame and anger from the damage of the wound he had inflicted with those stinging words.

"Well," I recovered enough to remark, "I'm sure sorry you feel that way.  But, let me ask you, do you automatically presume a sexual abuser when you see a Rabbi or Protestant minister?"

"Not at all," he came back through gritted teeth as we both boarded the train.
"How about when you see a coach, or a boy scout leader, or a foster parent, or a counselor, or physician?"  I continued.

"Of course not!" he came back.  "What's all that got to do with it?"

"A lot," I stayed with him, "because each of those professions have as high a percentage of sexual abuse, if not even higher, than that of priests."

"Well, that may be," he retorted.  "But the Church is the only group that knew it was going on, did nothing about it, and kept transferring the perverts around."

"You obviously never heard the stats on public school teachers," I observed.  "In my home town of New York City alone, experts say the rate of sexual abuse among public school teachers is ten times higher than that of priests, and these abusers just get transferred around."  (Had I known at that time the news in in last Sunday's New York Times about the high rate of abuse of the most helpless in state supervised homes, with reported abusers simply transferred to another home, I would have mentioned that, too.)

To that he said nothing, so I went in for a further charge.

"Pardon me for being so blunt, but you sure were with me, so, let me ask:  when you look at yourself in a mirror, do you see a sex abuser?"

Now he was as taken aback as I had been two-minutes before.  "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Sadly," I answered, "studies tell us that most children sexually abused are victims of their own fathers or other family members."

Enough of the debate, I concluded, as I saw him dazed.  So I tried to calm it down.
"So, I tell you what:  when I look at you, I won't see a sex abuser, and I would appreciate the same consideration from you."

The train had arrived at baggage claim, and we both exited together.

"Well then, why do we only hear this garbage about you priests," he inquired, as he got a bit more pensive.

"We priests wonder the same thing.  I've got a few reasons if you're interested."

He nodded his head as we slowly walked to the carousel.

"For one," I continued, "we priests deserve the more intense scrutiny, because people trust us more as we dare claim to represent God, so, when on of us do it - even if only a tiny minority of us ever have - it is more disgusting."

"Two, I'm afraid there are many out there who have no love for the Church, and are itching to ruin us.  This is the issue they love to endlessly scourge us with."

"And, three, I hate to say it," as I wrapped it up, "there's a lot of money to be made in suing the Catholic Church, while it's hardly worth suing any of the other groups I mentioned before."

We both by then had our luggage, and headed for the door.  He then put his hand out, the hand he had not extended five minutes earlier when I had put mine out to him.  We shook.

"Thanks.  Glad I met you."

He halted a minute.  "You know, I think of the great priests I knew when I was a kid.  And now, because I work in IT at Regis University, I know some devoted Jesuits.  Shouldn't judge all you guys because of the horrible sins of a few."

"Thanks!" I smiled.

I guess things were patched-up, because, as he walked away, he added, "At least I owe you a joke:  What happens when you can't pay your exorcist?"

"Got me," I answered.

"You get 're-possessed'!"

We both laughed and separated.

Notwithstanding the happy ending, I was still trembling . . . and almost felt like I needed an exorcism to expel my shattered soul, as I had to confront again the horror this whole mess has been to victims and their families, our Catholic people like the man I had just met . . . and to us priests.

[The original article can be found here.] 

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Last month in an article on the Philadelphia abuse scandal I talked about the victimization of the faithful. The grand jury verdict from the "city of brotherly love" re-ignited my anger that a small number of abusive priests were desecrating our Church!

I wrote, "Faithful Catholics everywhere are also victimized - Catholics in Philadelphia are particularly feeling it right now. Though not to the extent as the primary victims - all Catholics have been impacted by the sinful and repugnant actions of a few men who had taken vows before God. They have also scandalized the priesthood."

Actually, we must refuse to be victims. Like Archbishop Dolan, we can lovingly set the record straight, not by trying to refute the reports but by placing them in proper context.

The fact that "others have done it, too" does not give us justification, but it points to an illness that is not inherent to faith but one that comes from a society that caters to concupiscence.

Again, this does not excuse irresponsibility in dealing with these issues in the Church. There is no excuse for that; as Archbishop Dolan says, "It is more disgusting." We must not only continue intervention for the sins of the past but prevention for such sins in the future.

As far as good news, you only need to make a daily stop at Catholic Online or other similar sites to learn of her wonderful works. We have courageous bishops who are standing strong for orthodox faith; we have devoted priests and deacons serving Christ's Church in purity and pious living. Faithful Catholics are making a powerful impression, both in America and around the world; bringing the gospel in word and deed.

When we look at the Church in a mirror, we shouldn't see an abuser. We should see the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, the hope of the world. There is a lot of good going on in the Church, through the Church and from the Church.

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Randy Sly is the Associate Editor of Catholic Online and the CEO/Associate Publisher for the Northern Virginia Local Edition of Catholic Online (http://virginia.catholic.org). He is a former Archbishop of the Charismatic Episcopal Church who laid aside that ministry to enter into the full communion of the Catholic Church.

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