Understanding the 'scary words' of mid-life development

Allentown, PA (A.D. Times) - "Scary words are words for which we hold inadequate - not incorrect - understandings. By keeping those words at a distance, we fail to discover the richness and insight they hold for our lives," explained Sr. Mary Pat Garvin, R.S.M., Ph.D., May 21 during a seminar geared toward mid-life spiritual development at Holy Family Manor, Bethlehem.

Sr. Garvin, whose work is nationally and internationally recognized in human and spiritual development, presented "Applications of Spiritual Gerontology - Middle Age and Other 'Scary Words,'" offered by Catholic Charities, Diocese of Allentown, and Catholic Senior Housing and Health Care Services Inc.

The seminar, which drew social service and gerontology professionals, parish outreach coordinators, pastoral ministers, health care workers, clergy and parish nurses, followed Catholic Charities' conference "Mid-Life Crossroads and Transitions," offered March 28.

In her talk, Sr. Garvin defined "spiritual gerontology" as a process of touching the core or soul of an aging person while discovering and embracing the positive aspects of aging.

"So many people think of aging as a time of decline," said Sr. Garvin.

"It definitely is not. When we better understand the dynamics of mid-life years - including intimacy, generativity and integrity - we receive energy and insight for living healthy and holy lives," she maintained.

While exploring seasons in life, Sr. Garvin performed a spiritual exercise asking participants to write down their desires in a prayer.

"When we are conscious and aware of what we desire we are more apt to hear what we need to hear," she noted.

Referring to middle age as "middle adulthood," Sr. Garvin said people encounter "scary words" like change, disease, crisis and death, which are "radically underunderstood."

"These words usually provoke within us an emotional response that is unsettling," she said.

According to Sr. Garvin, such words give way to Christian maturity that is far different from popular culture's definition of maturity.

"Popular culture contends maturity is wholeness and getting it all together," she said.

"Christian maturity is an ongoing commitment to being always consciously on the journey and aware of the impact of one's actions. It's about the quality of love that is the focus of Christian life."

Throughout middle adulthood, she explained, men and women face critical moments. She ascertained that allowing a crisis to be ongoing can take attention away from living life to the fullest.

"We need to understand to the center of our souls that age is not a disease. It is a new experience in how to live life, how to milk it of dry goodness, of energy, of gratitude, of calm creativity," stressed Sr. Garvin.

In addition, she cautioned against overlooking opportunities for intimacy that can arise from sharing beliefs, relaxing with a person or having similar cultural experiences.

"Intimacy is more than a feeling of closeness and warmth. It asks us to allow ourselves to be fully who we are and to enter into relationship with another who is invited to be equally authentic," she said.

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Sr. Garvin also advocated effective communication throughout mid-life and all seasons in life.

"Human conversation is the easiest way to cultivate the conditions for change," she said. "But we must acknowledge one another and recognize that we need each other's help to become better listeners."

As participants set out to minister to others, she asked them to ask what, how and why when ministering to the people of the Allentown Diocese.

"Not often enough do we ask and reflect upon the 'who' question though," she pointed out.

"Ask yourself who you are and how you sustain efforts to be the best you can be to you, your family, colleagues and people you meet each day."