Couple planned ahead for husband's peaceful death

Daily Press (Newport News, Va.) (MCT) - Joyce and Alton "Al" Hedgepeth were planners. In 1995, when Al developed a lung condition called chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or COPD, he and Joyce discussed what they would want to happen if they were very sick.

"And we both agreed that hospice was the way for us," says Joyce, who is 72.

Al died May 19 in his James City County, Va., home, pain-free with Joyce by his side. He was 86. Easing the way during his final four weeks was Sentara Hospice.

One of Al's doctors had asked, "Mrs. Hedgepeth, have you given any thought to hospice?"

And Joyce responded, "That's the only way to go."

What happened next was like a "well-orchestrated Broadway show," she says. "It's like the hospice people came out of the woodwork. And every way I turned, they were doing something to make Al's and my life easier."

Al's oxygen equipment and hospital bed materialized at the house.

A hospice nurse, who would attend Al's funeral, made regular visits to monitor him, answer questions and discuss NASCAR racing with Al.

The day before he died, Al's condition worsened. Joyce knew he was slipping into a coma. That evening, she phoned the nurse on call to update her but saw no need for her to come. Al's Do Not Resuscitate order was in place. "Just let him go," the nurse told her.

"I felt very much at peace," says Joyce, who was married to Al for 34 years.

She sent her neighbor home and her brother-in-law upstairs to get some sleep.

"I want both of you to leave me alone with my husband," Joyce told them.

At about 1 a.m. May 19, Joyce kissed Al on the cheek. He didn't respond.

"I thought I needed to get closer to him," says.

So she took down the rail on one side "and got into the bed and put my arms around him and rubbed him, and talked to him and experienced his death."

She watched his breathing grow more shallow, then, finally, cease.

Joyce stayed with Al like that for about 30 minutes.

Then, she called the nurse to come back to pronounce her husband dead.

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© 2008, Daily Press (Newport News, Va.).