Skip to content
Catholic Online Logo

By Jennifer Hartline

7/9/2014 (3 months ago)

Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

Anyone truly devoted to the good of a child will not create by design a motherless or fatherless home for that child.

Our culture is so obsessed with making the case for same-sex "marriage" that now, astonishingly, sane people have to actually make the case for mothers and fathers.  We've elevated sexual preferences and wants high above the needs of our children. Whatever else you may call it, it's not love.

Highlights

By Jennifer Hartline

Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

7/9/2014 (3 months ago)

Published in U.S.

Keywords: surrogacy, adoption, gay couples, family, mothers, fathers, Jennifer Hartline


WASHINGTON, D.C. (Catholic Online) - The story of two gay men in Texas who became fathers of twin boys via a surrogate appeared in my Facebook feed a couple of weeks ago, posted by a woman voicing her support for the men and her anger over their legal predicament.

Each man is the biological father of one twin, and each wants to legally adopt the biological son of the other. Because Texas does not recognize same-sex "marriage", the law will not allow the adoption or for the birth certificates to reflect the two fathers as parents of both boys.

So began the cry of discrimination toward these men, and the injustice of the law.

I decided to jump in with quite the opposite perspective. I wasn't expecting my comments to be well-received, but even so, I was stunned at how the thread developed.

What was truly maddening, I said, was that two babies had been manufactured and sold, and now were being denied their mother. It is wrong, I argued, to create by design a home for those babies that intentionally deprives them of their mother. They have a right to know and be cared for by their mother.

I went even further and said that what the two men had done was not love. The adults have gotten what they wanted, but the babies have not been given what they need nor what they deserve and are truly entitled to, which is their mother. Whatever emotions or longings motivated the decision to conceive the babies, it was not love.

For that, I got the usual: Hateful, judgmental bigot. No surprise. I was also informed that what I really meant was that homosexuals are not even capable of love.

The only moral outrage to be found was that two gay men were being prevented from legally adopting the other's child. Not one other person in the thread was the least bit concerned about two babies being purposely denied their mother. The boys will have two dads, and that's good enough.

I don't think it is. Not at all. Not even close.

I couldn't believe I was actually having to argue for the necessity of a mother in a child's life! How is it that we've convinced ourselves that mothers are not really needed beyond giving birth? How can we seriously believe that children do not require a mother? Yet that was the argument. The boys have two dads, so they'll be just fine. They are lucky to be so wanted, so loved. Lucky?!?

To be so loved...Except that love doesn't do that. Love doesn't amputate the mother from the baby's life immediately after birth in order to accommodate the sexual preferences of the adult. Love doesn't require the child to sacrifice for the lifestyle of the adult. Love does not tell the child, "You don't really need a mother. You don't get to have your mother." Love does not presume that the child won't feel the loss, and won't suffer because of it.

"Love wills the good of the other," I said. (Actually, St. Thomas Aquinas said.) "Love puts the other first. None of the adults involved in creating these babies put them first."

Sound harsh? It should. I think it's pretty harsh that kids are being made to order, to satisfy the wants of specialty couples who think it's their prerogative to deprive a child of either mother or father, depending on their own sexual inclination. It's extremely harsh that children are being required to forfeit their natural, healthy, undeniable need for both parents, mother AND father.

Frankly, it isn't good enough that children are "wanted." That's the lingo and the philosophy of our contraception and abortion culture. 'Every child a wanted child,' and all that bull. That just means that children are things we acquire when we want to, and dispose of when we don't want them. It's centered only on the desires of the adults, without regard for the inherent worth of the child or his inviolable rights.

That's not love. That's not how children are to be treated. Wanting a child isn't the standard. Clearly, these two men wanted a baby. They went to the trouble and expense to find a surrogate, and manufacture some embryos, and they were blessed with two healthy boys. They got what they wanted.

The real mother in Solomon's court proved her love and her authenticity by choosing to suffer the pain of losing her baby, rather than let any harm come to him. She sought his good over her own, fully expecting terrible heartache for herself. That's how love wills the good of the other.

Anyone truly devoted to the good of a child will not create by design a motherless or fatherless home for that child. Doing so causes great harm. And we're not talking about harm brought about by unavoidable, unforeseen tragedy. This is planned and inflicted on purpose.

What about their mother? She chose this harm as well. She's not a victim here. In fact, she may not even be only one person! She's what is now being called a "gestational carrier" and she may be carrying an embryo(s) created with a donor egg(s). Ugh -- can we possibly find a more degrading way to treat a woman? The battle for equality for women has led us to this? Women being used for their wombs and their biological functions?

That's the best case we can make for motherhood anymore? It's just the physical process of gestation and childbirth? But beyond that, well, moms aren't really necessary? How horrifying! And how ironic -- decades ago the fight was to be valued for more than only mothering; now the battle has to be for the irreplaceable, pricelessness of a mother!

Assuming the mother is even mentioned on the child's birth certificate, how will she be named? "Donor egg, incubated and grown by gestational carrier"? She's nameless, faceless, and entirely missing.

And of course, the one who suffers the most is the child. Always the child. The child is ordered up, the product of a contract, bought and sold, and delivered like a piece of property. But it's all dressed up in the language of wants and wishes and emotions, with a lovely baby shower and breathless oohs and ahhs, so surely it's all wonderful.

No one is entitled to a child. Even married couples are not entitled to children. They have no right to expect that they will be given the gift of a child. They pray for children, and remain open to them in their marriage, but there's no entitlement. You don't walk up to the Giver of Life and insist He give you what you want. You don't demand a gift. It's a gift.

Children are the fruit of marriage for a reason. It's God's wise and perfect design that the love of husband and wife is ordered toward the creation of new life. He certainly could have designed it differently, but He obviously felt that both mother and father are necessary, and that children require the presence of both their parents.

The increasing frequency of babies being manufactured through surrogacy and then delivered to same-sex couples is alarming and heartbreaking. I can think of nothing more selfish than for adults to deliberately deprive a child they claim to love of her fundamental need and genuine right to be raised by her own mother and father because their sexual preference precludes it. It is a perversion of the family unit. It's an injustice to the child.

Take a look at this photo.


It shows a gay couple in Toronto as the son they'd had conceived through surrogacy was born. This beautiful little boy will also be denied his mother. The photographer captured the moment the two men held the baby to their bare chests.

Yes, I can clearly see the raw emotion, the tears, the joy of the father holding the baby. I do not doubt that he was overwhelmed with love in that precious moment. It is plainly obvious.

Now look at this photo.


I recognize something crucial in this picture, something else that is plainly obvious. That baby was searching for his mother. A newborn baby has only one real need, and that is to be put to mother's breast and smell and feel her skin and suckle. That's it. Sorry, guys, but that's reality. Babies are born with a built-in homing device that drives them toward Mom.

I saw the baby's face, and my heart ached and broke for him. He wanted his mother. No baby would gladly do without his mother.

Fathers are not mothers, and mothers are not fathers. They are not interchangeable. They are both essential for the well-being of a child, far beyond pregnancy and birth. That's not just idealistic or old-fashioned dreaming. It's common-sense reality; it's moral truth; it's natural law; it's justice.

But it requires thinking, not merely acting on feelings. It requires considering the needs of another ahead of your own sometimes. It requires sacrificing what you may want in order to give the other what is truly right and just.

Our culture is so obsessed with making the case for same-sex "marriage" that now, astonishingly, sane people have to actually make the case for mothers and fathers.  We've elevated sexual preferences and wants high above the needs of our children. Whatever else you may call it, it's not love.

-----

Jennifer Hartline is a grateful Catholic, a proud Army wife and mother of four children. She is a contributing writer for Catholic Online. Visit her online at Wake Up, Deborah!

---


Pope Francis: end world hunger through 'Prayer and Action'


2014 - Distributed by THE NEWS CONSORTIUM

Pope Francis Prayer Intentions for October 2014
Peace:
That the Lord may grant peace to those parts of the world most battered by war and violence.
World Mission Day: That World Mission Day may rekindle in every believer zeal for carrying the Gospel into all the world.



Comments


More U.S.

Supreme Court backs Texas' war on voter fraud Watch

Image of The U.S. Supreme Court has backed a 2013 Texas law that requires voters to show ID before they submit a vote.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

The U.S. Supreme Court has given Texas the go ahead for a law that requires voters in the state to show certain forms of identification before they are able to cast a ballot. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - The October 18 decision came from a majority of ... continue reading


Father Peter M. J. Stravinskas on the Synod on the Family: Duc in Altum

Image of Lorenzo Lotto's depiction of the Holy Family's rest on the flight into Egypt.

By Father Peter M. J. Stravinskas, Ph.D., S.T.D.

Christians today in most parts of the world find themselves in a world much like the one inhabited by the first Christians - rampant sexual license, abortion, contraception, family break-down.  Those early Christians took a counter-cultural stance, echoing ... continue reading


(Video) Nina Pham's incredible goodbye will bring you to tears Watch

Image of Supporters of Nina Pham, the nurse who was infected with Ebola at Texas Health Presbyterian hospital.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital has released a video which shows the goodbye between Ebola-patient Nina Pham and her doctor, as she leaves Dallas for treatment in Maryland. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - The 26-year-old nurse was infected with Ebola after ... continue reading


(Video) South Carolina's shocking SHARKNADO! Watch

Image of A rare shark feeding frenzy was caught on video in North Carolina, as hundreds of sharks attacked a school of Blue Fish.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

An amazing video has appeared on YouTube which shows 100 of sharks engaged in a feeding frenzy just feet from the shore in Cape Lookout, North Carolina. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - The bizarre video was taken on October 9, but was not made public until ... continue reading


Fed takes in record of over $3 trillion in taxes Watch

Image of A Treasury Department report has revealed that the U.S. government has taken in a record amount of tax revenue for the 2014 fiscal year, at over $3 trillion.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

The latest Monthly Treasury Statement has showed that inflation-adjusted federal tax revenues and tax revenues have reached their highest point even as of the 2014 fiscal year. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - The inflation-adjusted tax revenue reached ... continue reading


James Robison: Turn In Your Sermons! Watch

Image of James and Betty Robison

By James Robison

The city of Houston has issued a wake up call to all freedom-loving Americans by ordering pastors to turn in their sermons and staff communications dealing with homosexuality, gender identity, and Mayor Annise Parker. You must hear the real message loud and clear ... continue reading


He doesn't even care anymore. Government draws in $3 trillion after numerous tax hikes Watch

Image of The U.S. government took in over $3 trillion dollars in taxes for fiscal year 2014.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

The U.S. government has collected a record amount of taxes for the 2014 fiscal year, topping $3 trillion in revenue for the first time in history, numbers from the Treasury Department revealed. The data also showed that this influx of cash has brought the current ... continue reading


Trying to win a Darwin Award? Man seen walking next to Ebola patient with clipboard for protection Watch

Image of Who is this man and why isn't he protected like the others?

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

Maybe he's trying to win a Darwin Award? The nation is aghast at a plainclothes man who appears to be coolly walking beside Ebola-infected nurse, Amber Vinson protected only by --a clipboard. Everyone else around him was dressed in a hazmat suit as she was placed ... continue reading


After two years it's back! Mysterious Air Force spaceship to land in California Watch

Image of The U.S. Air Force's X-37B, which is set to land at Vandenberg Air Force base on October 15, after nearly two years in orbit.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

The United States mysterious X-37B unmanned space plane is about to land after it has spent almost two years in orbit on a classified mission. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - The Air Force announced that the X-37B will land at Vandenberg Air Force Base in ... continue reading


Supreme Court trounces Texas rights in abortion bill battle Watch

Image of Supporters of the Texas anti-abortion bill which was passed back in July 2013.

By Catholic Online (NEWS CONSORTIUM)

The controversial anti-abortion law passed by Texas in 2013 that had shut down numerous unsafe and unsanitary abortion clinics is now being halted by order of the Supreme Court. LOS ANGELES, CA (Catholic Online) - The 6-3 order means that many abortion clinics that ... continue reading


All U.S. News

Newsletters

Newsletter Sign Up icon

Stay up to date with the latest news, information, and special offers

Daily Readings

Reading 1, Ephesians 2:1-10
1 And you were dead, through the crimes and the ... Read More

Psalm, Psalms 100:2, 3, 4, 5
2 serve Yahweh with gladness, come into his presence ... Read More

Gospel, Luke 12:13-21
13 A man in the crowd said to him, 'Master, tell my ... Read More

Saint of the Day

Saint of the Day for October 20th, 2014 Image

St. Paul of the Cross
October 20: St. Paul of the Cross was born at Ovada in the Republic of ... Read More

Inform, Inspire & Ignite Logo

Find Catholic Online on Facebook and get updates right in your live feed.

Become a fan of Catholic Online on Facebook


Follow Catholic Online on Twitter and get News and Product updates.

Follow us on Twitter