OUTRAGEOUS! Overzealous prosecutor seeks death penalty against Punxsutawney Phil!
Has an Ohio prosecutor gone too far?
Punxsutawney Phil may have another date beyond Feb. 2 to worry about. If an Ohio prosecutor gets his way, Punxsutawney Phil may have a date with the chair.
Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
"Let's face it," Gmoser said, "Punxsutawney Phil has let us down. I awoke this morning to a snowstorm, low temperatures, and howling wind."
Despite the start of Spring this week, temperatures remain low across the nation. Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early Spring this year, but that early spring seems far off with snow forecast through the weekend across parts of the Northeast.
So we get it. Punxsutawney Phil gave us an inaccurate forecast - but does that warrant the death penalty?
"You know, Phil lives his life behind bars as it is. This is the only penalty available. Maybe it's time for a Phyllis instead," Gmoser said.
Despite the initial motions by the prosecutor, Punxsutawney Phil is safe in his burrow, protected by a private security detail. Jeffery Lundy, vice president of the Punxsutawney Ground Hog Club, warned that Gmoser and his henchmen would "have to go through 15 licensed hunters to get to Phil."
Gmoser added that there could be circumstances that could save Phil from the ultimate penalty. "Phil may not know his rear from a hole in the ground. That might make a difference," he said.
Despite the serious implications of the charges filed against him, it is unlikely that Punxsutawney Phil will ever face a judge, or an executioner.
For his part, Gmoser can warm himself with the knowledge that his filing brought amusement across the country, and not just in his office.
© 2013, Distributed by NEWS CONSORTIUM.
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Pope Benedict XVI's Prayer Intentions for January 2013
General Intention: The Faith of Christians. That in this Year of Faith Christians may deepen their knowledge of the mystery of Christ and witness joyfully to the gift of faith in him.
Missionary Intention: Middle Eastern Christians. That the Christian communities of the Middle East, often discriminated against, may receive from the Holy Spirit the strength of fidelity and perseverance.
Keywords: Punxsutawney Phil, Gmoser, prosecutor, death penalty
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