Go and Sin No More: Set Free by Penance, the Sacrament of Freedom

2/8/2013

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much more profound was about to occur. After hearing an inspiring message on loving the Lord given by a holy Benedictine Abbott, an announcement was made that "Confession", the Sacrament of Penance (or Reconciliation), would be available all afternoon for all participating in the retreat.

Frankly, I was afraid. Oh, I had overcome my misinformed opposition to the notion that "I didn't need" such a thing. I found its roots in the Scriptures; its development in Church history and the tradition, and its confirmation in the contemporary proliferation of counselors, psychologists, and mental health practitioners substituting as "secular priests." However, I had not been to the Sacrament since I was in the sixth grade. When I first re-embraced my faith, I did not quite understand why it was necessary.
However, through my study, I began to understand its extraordinary role as a resource in the ongoing call to holiness of life. I was at this retreat because I truly wanted to be holy and not just talk about it. My reading had unearthed an extraordinary connection in the lives of the great heroes of the faith, the saints, between holiness of life and frequent recourse to this sacrament.

I began with a quote from GK Chesterton. That day I would come to discover what he meant. In order to facilitate the crowd, the organizers of the retreat had set up chairs all over the lawn---one for the priest and one for the penitent. There were no confessionals --another form of the sacrament where the identity of the penitent is concealed- that would have at least been less frightening to me.

I felt not only embarrassed, but also ashamed and afraid. I thought back on the years I had been away from the Lord, all the wrong choices I had made, and the people I had hurt. Somehow, though I knew I had confessed my sins to the Lord, I still carried a sense of guilt and knew that my sin had wounded more people than myself. I recalled the Abbots' talk that morning on the text from the Letter of James "confess your sins to one another." (James 5:16)

But the fear was crippling. I remembered a few occasions as a child when the experience in the confessional had not been a good one. Times when I was shamed and left the experience feeling worse than before I entered the confessional. I opened my Bible and my eyes fell upon the words of the Lord that followed the great healing of the woman with the hemorrhage and the sincere inquiry from the father whose daughter had died: "Do Not fear, only believe." (Mark 5:36) said the Lord.

It was as though the Lord was speaking those words directly to me. I was learning to trust that this Church was indeed the continuing presence of the Body of Christ on earth, making His redemptive love available through all the channels of grace.

This was a Sacrament, an invitation to receive God's grace. The definition I had learned as a child filled my head, "an outward sign instituted by God to give grace." - "Who am I to reject the gift of God?" I thought to myself. So, I overcame both the shame and the fear, walked right up to the priest and told him I hadn't been to confession since the sixth grade. "Have a seat" he said, "the Lord has been waiting, he is eager to forgive and to heal."

Like priming a pump I began to speak and the words flowed forth in a cathartic experience, complete with tears- a torrent of repentance. This wonderful priest of Jesus Christ looked at me with the compassion of His Lord and simply listened. I expressed my remorse and I asked the Lord for forgiveness. Then I heard those words I had not heard since I was a child: "I absolve you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit". So certain. So firm. So personal. So liberating!

I experienced the weight of the world lifted from my drooping shoulders. I was young again. "Father," I said, "thank you." "Thank Jesus" he responded," He loves you more than you know." Then I paused and asked, ". Isn't there a penance?" "Oh Yes" he said, "Spend a good amount of time in prayer and then Go, and love the Lord". I left that encounter with the servant of the Lord, the priest of Jesus the High Priest, a free man.

Over all these years I have tried to be faithful to his admonition, "Go, and love the Lord." However, I have often failed, fallen short, or to use the literal translation of the word sin, missed the mark. Loving the Lord is a constant invitation to conversion. It invites all those who are serious about the way of discipleship, to a life of crucified love. From that day forward however, I know I have a place to go when the weight of my sin, my wrong choices and acts burden me- the Sacrament where I can continually be made new, forgiven, and healed. The place for meeting mercy Incarnate; where I can be born again and again and again and again.

I am older now- my hair has gone beyond gray to white, at least what is left of it. I am losing the spring in my step. But, I am wiser. I know my own weakness and frailty. It stares at me through the lines on my face every morning when I shave. It manifests itself in the face of my grandchildren, children and beloved wife when I fail to love as Jesus does. It's funny, unlike youth when you know everything; I have reached the point in life where I realize I know very little.

One thing I do know is that I am still trying to "keep my way pure"- and there is a balm for the inevitable wounds of life. I am a joyful penitent now because I know that there is a Sacrament, a place where I can always encounter the never-ending mercy of Jesus Christ, in a real and incarnational way. Through His priest I can always here those wonderful words "I absolve you." and I can again commit myself to "go and love the Lord."

I may no longer be a teenager, but I am still a pilgrim, and what a wonderful journey this life of faith truly has become. It has been made richer since that wonderful day when, as a teenage pilgrim, I rediscovered the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Penance) and my journey to freedom continued. The Sacrament of Penance is the Sacrament of my New Evangelization and it can become yours as well.

- - -

Pope Benedict XVI's Prayer Intentions for January 2013
General Intention: The Faith of Christians. That in this Year of Faith Christians may deepen their knowledge of the mystery of Christ and witness joyfully to the gift of faith in him.
Missionary Intention: Middle Eastern Christians. That the Christian communities of the Middle East, often discriminated against, may receive from the Holy Spirit the strength of fidelity and perseverance.

Keywords: penance, reconciliation, sacrament, confession, conversion, GK Chesterton, forgiveness, Lent, absolution, pilgrim, Deacon Keith Fournier

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1 - 4 of 4 Comments

lily
3 months ago
I so enjoyed reading about your journey. I, too, did my first confession at a monastery. I was very ashamed and fearful, as I have never done it before.. But I clearly felt the Lord calling me to do it, and I could not resist.. Since then, I have become a Catholic and I love everything about it.
Larry
3 months ago
In today's world, we have a couple of concepts people readily accept that fit well with the Confession, Sacrament of Reconciliation. We talk about fail often, fail fast - to try your business model or approach and learn from what didn't work and find out what will work. We also talk about getting grounded, to get back in sync with whatever you sync with. Some use meditation, some use good habits, others use some rituals they use to sync better. The idea here is to recognize that 'mistakes' are normal that mess up our system so we need to do some things to find what works and to get back in the grove with the energy we use or need to sync with.

I read about a very successful salesman in New Jersy in a book by Malcom Gladwell, Blink is what I think was his book (he's written several). I spoke with him some years ago and asked him what he does to be so successful. He explained many things I'm familiar with that work for success - contacts with customers, sending notes, remembering important dates for the customer, getting to know details of a customer's life, etc. The last thing he explained (that was not in the book) was that he gets to work early to get ready for the day - make sure he has all the things he needs for the day (this is common). 10 minutes just before he goes to the salesfloor or his desk on the showroom floor, he 'meditates' and tries to get rid of the negative things that have been affecting him and he repeats a phrase he believes in "Every customer is a potential sale". I asked him if he believes this, why does he have to repeat it every day and don't all salespeople believe this. He said most don't believe it since they talk about customers in categoriews of non-buyers, why they won't buy today and this works against any belief about selling. He also said he knows that in a normal day at work and at home, he attracts or collects negative energy and attitudes which work against his success so his 10 minute preparation help him get rid of the negative from yesterday for today's sales. He is cleaning himself (attitudes, energy, how he starts) to be ready the best he can. I also know that many successful people review what they are grateful for just before bed or during the day to reset attitudes and put things into perspective.

Confession can do lots of these things - face our sins (mistakes), admit them and take responsibility for them (more than think of them), ask for forgiveness (clean our energy/ spirit/soul) learn from our sins (mistakes/weaknesses) and get the power to be in the grace of God (back in sync, get rid of negative attitudes and energy).

I remember some years ago Catholics come Home had an ad that talked about going to confession to get your soul almost baptism clean, just like you had it at a clean slate (like rebooting, resetting our system). That concept impressed me. Would that we would talk about the Sacraments and their power and use in terms that people understand today.
John
3 months ago
I just returned to the Catholic Church after being away for 37 years. I was a cradle Catholic but at the age of 22 and a life that was upside down and knowing I need God in my life I found Him in a non denominational church and it was there I came to really know Jesus Christ as my Savior.I spent the next 37 years faithfully serving our Lord in the Protestant Church teaching,as a deacon then an elder, worship leader and a licensed minister.But about 9 months ago I started to investigate the Catholic faith and as I studied I discovered The teachings I thought were wrong I discovered they were true. I had come to a real crisis of faith and wasn't sure what I would do.God seemed to put people in my path who help reassure me I was on the right path, finally I made a appointment with a local Priest and met with him. As the conversation with him progressed and things were winding down he offered to hear my confession.I said will you hear it now and he did and my tears flowed as I confessed sins that I carried since a child. What a relief it was, my heart was free.It was one of the best days of my life. I am now attending mass and receiving communion.Now I am praying that the Lord will draw my wife back to the Church also.
Harald
3 months ago
I know how he Feelt, I to was there, I lift as a Teen, Seen the World, was Looking for samething? I already had, but did not know! He was with me all of my Days, But my Eyes and Heart were not Open. I was looking in all the wrong Placies, even the wrong Churchies! HO! Yes I was steal going to Church almost every Sunday and ontime. But Same thing was missing. One day the Lord sent a Friend to me, I really did not know, only from coming to were I work, to Pick-Up items he needed for Home and Family. He ask me one day if I was a Christion? He said the way I akted made him ask, and also am I Catholic, I said Yes! But have not been back seens 1980" . will we have a Small Church in Town. We Love To Have You Back. I said OK." The Lord will come for us when he knows we are ready. " I was ready! I to was set Free After my Frist Confession, somany years after my lost Confession. Yes I to am in my 60's , and so many of us Fall. But the Lord is always with us His Hand is out there we just have to put ours out and Hold on. GOD Bless you All Brothers and Sisters. We need each other and Prays the LORD. It is never to Late to be Saved. I Will make a Copy of this Articol and Post in the Church Buliton Board, I Hope that it may Help the Young and Older: You need not Look any fearther thin The House of the LORD; Hi is there with Open Armes; and Most of ALL " HE LOVES YOU"

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