Natural Family Planning: One Man's Beautiful Testimony

By James Cueva
7/23/2012
Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

My name is James, and I use NFP because it helps keep me out of the dog house, and in bed with my wife, where I belong

What I didn't expect from NFP was how my wife's chart had become a visible sign to me of the unseen reality of womanhood. Despite my best attempts to be a good and understanding man who "gets" my wife, I fail often enough.I learned NFP because I was willing to think outside the box, in a way that is different from those members in society who are failing in marriage. I wanted my wife and I to have the best chances of staying married until death do us part.

James and Whitney, Bishop Daniel Flores (Brownsville - a very beloved Corpus Christi priest), Fr. James Farfaglia, Fr. Richard Libby, Fr. Peter Elizardo and Fr. Skip Negley at Annunciation Parish in Houston two years ago.

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HOUSTON, TX (Catholic Online) - My name is James, and my wife and I use Natural Family Planning. We made the decision for a lot of reasons that stood out, such as: that it is natural, has no negative side effects like the ones associated with hormonal contraception, encourages us to truly talk to each other, and low divorce rates among users. That last one truly was the icing on the wedding cake for us. After all, we got married with the goal of staying married until death do us part, and we meant it!

With divorce rates at 50%, it seems anybody that marries has a cloudy future in our current challenging age. We figured that if half of marriages end in divorce, then something is wrong with the way we view relationships in our society.

There was a time, long before any of us were around, where people stuck together for better or for worse. This is what we wanted for our marriage. I love my wife, and I'm so lucky to have her; I want to keep things this way.

We use a method of NFP called Standard Sympto-Thermal Method, which means we check temperature, cervical mucus, and for greatest accuracy, cervix position. I didn't get it at first. I struggled with charting and figuring out when a chart indicated the woman was fertile or infertile.

When I got married 6 months after our third, and final class, I had to do a crash course when my wife was good enough to ignore my doubts by putting the charts in front of me, and said, "here, this belongs to you from now on."

I got REAL serious about charting and was frequently using the cheat card and instructional book to re-educate myself. I even contacted our instructors to make sure I had all of my questions answered. It didn't take long before it all came together. I guess I knew it was "game time," and it was time to be serious about this.

As time went by, I could see trends in my wife's chart. For example, as a school teacher she is less stressed in the summer time and so her charts are a few days shorter because the stress of teaching sometimes causes her ovulation to take a day or two longer to occur.

I remember on one day as I was looking at the charts she said she could tell she was about to start and suggested it could be within the week. I noticed her temperature dipped suddenly, and told her I thought she was going to start within 24hours. She disagreed with me until that night! She wasn't prepared and we had to make a quick stop at the pharmacy. We learned, these charts don't lie, and that I had become the more confident charter.

I think of myself as a fairly good man and husband. I try my best to place my wife and our marriage first at all times. I try my best to be attentive, sweet and romantic and to be helpful around our home. I try to be as spontaneous as I can be, and to listen to her even though I just want a little quiet time. But the truth of the matter is, if I, or any guy for that matter, were meant to understand women, we would have been born women. Since we are not, we are hopelessly destined to fail in our attempts to understand women.

What I didn't expect from NFP was how my wife's chart had become a visible sign to me of the unseen reality of womanhood (a visible sign of an invisible reality if you will).

Despite my best attempts to be a good and understanding man who "gets" my wife, I fail often enough.

Well, one month not too long ago we were about 20 days into my wife's cycle. Following the start of the cycle and up until ovulation, the dominant hormone of the reproductive process is estrogen. In addition to helping develop the eggs in the ovary follicles, the estrogen forms the endometrium, produces cervical mucus (which my wife observes) to keep sperm alive and aid it, and it also suppresses basal temperature (which we chart).

Sometimes when ovulation occurs the temperature drops really low because of the sudden burst of estrogen that is released to aid the dominant ovary follicle to complete its development. This dip in temperature is not always present, but it can be. Most times with my wife, it never happens, so it was a surprise two months ago when I saw her temperature dip really low.

I didn't think anything of it except that this meant ovulation was about to occur which means I can start planning on how to romance my wife in the next couple of days since we're using NFP to avoid a pregnancy at the moment.

The next day her temperature went up a little bit, but then the next day it dropped really low again. It was unusual for it to have happened the first time, but then for it to happen a second time was really confusing. So I was really perplexed when I saw it rise the following day, and then return to the really low temperature for a third time. I thought to myself, "what's going on with my wife's body?" ...

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1 - 10 of 14 Comments

Lori Tijerina
5 months ago
I need help, my daughter in law just spent $5,000 on a procedure because she wants to
have another child but has not been able to get pregnant. How can NFP help her and
my son to get pregnant.

My son and his wife have a son that is 3 years old, they also had trouble getting pregnant
with my grandson. It took a couple of years for my daugther in law to get pregnant she
is in her early 40's.
nfpjames
8 months ago
Thanks for all the wonderful comments on this post. I was surprised to discover that a few commenters seemed to know my wife, myself, and our marriage better than my wife and I seem to. I can assure you guys, I'm not neglecting my wife and our communication is one of our greatest strengths in our marriage. It just so happened that during this particular month she was trying to put on a brave face and she wasn't even letting herself acknowledge just how stressed she was. But in the defense of some comments, NFP is not a magic wand, and it doesn't automatically make people better husbands and wives. NFP is just a tool to help with that and I was simply sharing how much it has helped us. Oh, and my wife's love language is Physical Touch. Her secondary love language is Gift Giving. Mine, on the other hand, is Acts of Service and I highly recommend the Five Love Languages if anybody here hasn't read it. Great book. --NFPJames
Elysha
8 months ago
Great article! My husband and I have been using NFP, and it has accurately provided us with two pregnancies (though one child did not live, sadly) exactly when we attempted a pregnancy. It is a wonderful method that I think too many couples dismiss. The side benefits, like the one you describe here, are far more beneficial than we can articulate to couples using BC, or other methods. Thank you for sharing!
Beth
8 months ago
Marie D. - I think you expressed a lot of wisdom in your post, however, there are many positive aspects of NFP that are very much in line with what the Church teaches. It is possible to do the wrong thing for the right reason - a couple could use contraceptives because of a serious health or financial situation. It is also possible to do the right thing for the wrong reason - a couple could use NFP to postpone a pregnancy because they would rather drive a fancier car than have more children. The Church teaches that both the ends and the means must be moral. Therefore, if a couple has discerned with sincerity that it is best to avoid a pregnancy, then using NFP is appropriate. It is important that others do not judge, because one can never tell from the outside looking in what factors are influencing the couple's decision. One misunderstanding people often have is the use of the word "grave" to describe the situations in which it is acceptable to postpone a pregnancy. This is a poor translation of the Latin in Humanae Vitae, because in English the word "grave" carries a very strong - i.e., life or death - connotation. Janet Smith offers a compelling argument that a better interpretation would be "weighty" or "just". In other words, the reasons cannot be trivial or selfish. Looking at our own family, one could easily assume that we could welcome plenty more children than the three that we have. People mostly get hung up on whether a family has enough money to have more children - and we do. But for reasons I care not to discuss in an online forum - or with most of my friends and family, for that matter - we are postponing another pregnancy for the time being. And at my age, it's unlikely to be a possibility for very much longer. But I am confident (as confident as one may be, possessing only human knowledge) that this is in the best interests of our family, and we are obedient to what the Church teaches in achieving that end. I agree that we should trust God more than many of us do - but each child comes with his/her own set of needs and each family's situation is different, and for me using NFP has been a way of trusting God because I am honoring the way He made my body, and my husband and I are honoring his plan for human sexuality in our physical intimacy. The author of this article mentioned that he and his wife are working toward getting out of debt before they have children. This is a worthy goal. Some may disagree whether it is necessary, but perhaps this couple's debt is a serious problem for them. Perhaps it would prevent them from doing what they legitimately feel is best for their child(ren) - for example, having the mother stay home after the baby is born, or sending their children to Catholic school, or saving for college. In any case, I know many faithful Catholic families with more than 3 children, and they have all used NFP to space their children. I believe God has had a hand in the development of NFP methods, such that their effectiveness has improved right alongside the effectiveness of contraceptive methods. To me, this fact alone seems more than coincidental or "neutral".
Teresa (Kelly) Klemme
9 months ago
I agree with John. My husband can tell when I'm stressed without seeing my charts get wonky. And you should be romancing your wife all the time, not just when it might lead to physical intimacy.
Deanna
9 months ago
Love it! Congratulations to your wife for having a great husband and congratulations to you for being so responsive to her and strong enough to use nfp and use it also to improve the quality of your marriage!
June1111
9 months ago
Jealous... LOL! This was an amazing article! God Bless both of you (and any future children).

@John: Serious communication breakdown? You might be reading into the article a little too much. Sometimes, people do need to open up and share a little more than what others are used to in order to educate those who really have no idea what NFP is about. I thought this was a pretty unique perspective on Natural Family Planning. You hear so much about how it benefits the marriage but to actually see an example really helped. :)
Dan
9 months ago
I agree with John, who posted recently. If you haven't heard of the '5 Love Languages' by Dr. Champman, I recommend finding information about that - it sounds like your wife may communicate love through "Acts of Service"?

To continue off of John's point, NFP is for planning HEALTHY families, naturally. There are MANY good things that result from using NFP, i.e. communication but that is not its purpose.

I believe, the HEART of NFP is grow closer to God as a married man and woman and to grow closer to one another, which is the sole reason my wife and I practice NFP.

God Bless
Terri K
9 months ago
NFP is conducive to better communication for sure!

I just want to add that my husband and I had a lot of trouble with the sympto-thermal method. We used ecological breastfeeding successfully to space children, but that's pretty limited. My longest infertile period with breastfeeding was 15 months. We finally found a method that works for us. We have been using the Marquette Method for about six months now and it's an answer to our prayers, particularly in the breastfeeding/return of fertility time after a baby. Couples need to know that there are several vetted methods of NFP available. Unfortunately, nobody on the diocesan level where I live knows anything about Marquette Method. I found it online. That's a shame. I'm trying to spread the word.

God bless you and your wife, James. May the good Lord grant you children and a long, happy marriage.
MarieD
9 months ago
You sound like a very sweet and attentive husband. Congratulations on 2 years married. My husband and I used NFP for awhile. Then we realized we were using it to NOT have a baby. It was contraception the natural way. I was very bothered that this was not the right attitude and sought my priest's advice in the confessional. Sadly, I was chastised for feeling the way I felt. Ultimately, I could no longer really enjoy my husband because he was always reminding me it was a "green" day or a "red" day. I felt like an experiment and not a wife. Finally, after much prayer and contemplation, we found a traditional priest and had a chat. We abandoned NFP completely after realizing that we needed to trust God more and science less. Now we are the parents of 7 amazing children, 4 of whom absolutely would not exist if we had continued to practice NFP. I know that Catholics believe that NFP is morally acceptable, but it is actually not. It is, at best, morally NEUTRAL and at worst, quite sinful. You sound like a wonderful man and your wife sounds like a wonderful woman. Perhaps, one day, you both will re-examine the NFP issue and just welcome a few babies. May God bless you. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. St. Monica and St. Gerard, pray for us.

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