Learning Humility with St. Therese: Not Every Flower can be a Rose
A heart that is humble rests confidently in His mercy and love, and has no fear of being little or unnoticed, nor any need for adulation.
St. Therese helps me understand: "the splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not take away the perfume of the little violet or the delightful simplicity of the daisy.if all flowers wanted to be roses, nature would lose her springtime beauty, and the fields would no longer be decked out with little wild flowers. And so it is in the world of souls, Jesus' garden. Perfection consists in doing His will, in being what He wills us to be." (Story of a Soul)
PrintI'm reminded over and over that I have a great deal to learn where humility is concerned. As painful as it is, the joyful irony is that only a God of infinite love and mercy would bother to teach this lesson.
Here's what I suspect: much of what I think are the evidences of humility in my life are really something else entirely. There's an ongoing skirmish between a desire for holiness (tainted with pride), discouragement over failings (tainted with pride) and goals of using my talents in the best way possible ~ for God's glory of course. (Also tainted with pride.) Ugh.
The discouragement part is quite seductive actually, because it can give the appearance of sorrowful humility when it is often wounded pride. Humility does not mean I must dislike myself. To speak ill of myself, to mentally berate myself over my flaws and mistakes is not proof of humility. It is evidence of pride. It just means I've not lived up to my expectation of myself, or worse, my delusion of grandeur.
If I fail to live up to my standard of perfection I fear that I will be less esteemed by others. So I scold myself, feel sorry for myself, and cover my pride by declaring what a weak sinner I am, wailing "dear Jesus, please forgive me!"
In this way, I can feel superior to those wretched souls that don't even have the decency to say they've done wrong and ask for pardon. You see, I'm less sorry for the particular sin, less sorry that I have offended my Lord than I am for having revealed the humiliating truth that I am not nearly as grand as I'd like to think I am.
Hiding within this discouragement is the unspoken craving for distinction ~ I must conquer my failings and defects in order to achieve the reputation I seek. This is what tarnishes the desire for holiness and turns the focus on me rather than on Jesus. In my secret heart - in hidden thoughts I never utter out loud - I fear that what Almighty God has ordained for me and my life is too modest, too common, too bland for my taste, and I try to persuade Him for more glory for myself while claiming to seek only His.
I want what I want, and I beg Him to want it as well.
I must ask myself if I truly am willing to take the place God has ordained for me today without yearning for something "better" or more. As St. Therese put it, not every flower can be a rose. Some are wildflowers or daisies or violets. I realize how much of my heart wants to be a rose and nothing else, because I fear that otherwise, I will not be special to Him at all.
I fear He will not even see me as He walks past and will instead reach only for the stunning red rose, smile approvingly at it, and step on my tiny plain petals as He goes away. I fear being forgotten, dismissed and rejected.
Why is it not enough that He made me in His image, shed His blood for my salvation, and loves me just as I am? It's not enough because I don't actually believe Him; not entirely. There remains a troubled place in my heart where I don't believe Him when He says, "Child, you are Mine," for I think to myself, "Why? I'm not a rose. I'm just a wildflower. I can't believe you even notice me at all."
My longing to be loved is mixed with fear and ego until it becomes a strange form of arrogance. I don't take God at His word; I call Him a liar. And I push Him away in anger, and then run after Him to plead with Him to see my virtues, begging Him to love me. This interior storm develops over and over again in my heart, and it will never be quieted without humility.
To be humble is to be emptied -- emptied of myself. It isn't wallowing in my wretchedness; it is bathing in His mercy. Pride dwells on all my offenses and festers like an infected sore. Humility wastes no time in carrying all offenses to Jesus with confidence to receive forgiveness and start again.
Humility is being content to be who, where and what God asks of me today, and nothing more. I make my whole self - body, mind and heart - an empty vessel to be filled by Him as He sees fit. Whether rose or wildflower, noticed or unseen, praised or ignored, it must make no difference. Nothing I could ever do or be can compare to who He is. The glory is all His. "All our righteous acts are like filthy rags." Isaiah 64:6
I am small, ordinary, and quite sinful, yes. All that is true. But I am also His! He has said so and it is true. Everything He has is mine. It's outrageous but it's true! He loves me forever, and for me just to turn my eyes toward His face brings Him delight. "For the Lord takes delight in His people; he crowns the humble with salvation." Psalm 149:4
I am His child and He will not reject me. "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children ...
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Humility is acceptance of one petal with another neighbour petal with their shades of colour and strenghth of aroma Blooming into a be beautiful daily offering - Sweet Surrender - Joyfully Suffer. See HOW White the Lilies are. O' Sinnuda
This is a very good article...I am guilty of false humility and wanting of people's atttention...I will keep this article and read it when I stray from God's love...thank you so much for sharing this...God bless always.
here's what thomas merton says about humility:
from "the seven storey mountain"
(for those not familiar with him or his autobiography--he was an atheist and takes us through
his life leading up to becoming a Trappist monk).
p.295..........."there is a certain kind of humility in hell which is one of the worst things in hell,
infinitely far from the humility of saints, which is peace.
"the false humility of hell is an unending, burning shame at the inescapable
stigma of our sins............
"the anguish of this self-knowledge is inescapable even on earth, as long as there is any self-love left in us: because it is pride that feels the burning of that shame.
"only when all pride, all self-love has been consumed in our souls by the
love of God, are we delivered from the thing which is the subject of those torments.
it is only when we have lost all love of our selves, for our own sakes that are past sins
cease to give us any cause for suffering or for the anguish of shame.
"for the saints, when they remember their sins, do not remember the sins,
but the mercy of God and therefore even past evil is turned by them into a present
cause of joy and serves to glorify God."
October 2, 2012
Feast of our Guardian Angels
Dear Sr. Therese,
Thank you for sharing you prayers to all of us. We have the same lung disorders a while ago but with your help and support, I was able to recover from broncopneumonia, lung infection, asthma, allergic rhinitis and pulmonary tuberculosis.
I received my first lung "cancer" (broncopneumonia) when I was still a high school student in the high school seminary at the age of 16. I almost died in the seminary due to repressive and continuous coughing. I watched your movie a couple of times and found out that you have the same problem while still in the Carmelite Monastery. It was a surprise that you didn't consulted a physician in order to survive a little more in the cold monastery. I felt sorry that you have a very painful and bitter memory with your parents. I know what it felt like to lose a mother and a father later while in the monastery.
Life in the monastery was happy for you and I saw you before while I was still studying. My brother who was studying in the University of St. Thomas in Manila bought a very big picture and he posted the big picture in one of the rooms in our house - the room where I had the worst nightmares. This is the room where I almost died due to a medical accident and I would want to share a prayer that may help us ease the pain in the purgatory:
O my God, I don't want to go to hell.
I know that because of my many sins I deserve to go there.
Help me get rid of my sins.
I don't want to lose my soul in everlasting torment,
without all happiness, banished from You forever.
Help me realize that I shall have to make up for my venial sins,
too, and that some of the punishment due to all sin,
even if we escape hell,
must be paid in purgatory.
Help me do some real penance to make up for my sins,
and get rid of part of my purgatory before I die.
O my God, now I see very clearly that I have not given You
the service that I owe You for so many reasons.
I have abused Your wonderful gifts,
using them to offend You who are so good and so lovable.
I sinned even in Your presence.
I saddened Your Heart at the very moment
when You were looking on me with perfect love.
I was so blind and ungrateful as to love creatures more than You, my creator,
who because You are infinitely good and lovable deserve all my love;
I preferred my own pleasure to doing Your will.
Pardon me, O my God,
for all the sins of my whole life.
I am sorry for them.
I hate them from the bottom of my heart because You hate them.
I beg of You, say to me, "Your sins are forgiven."
http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/english3/p02649.htm
I know this prayer will help a dying soul.
You should've prayed this when you're on your death bed since I know that your sins are too many to
be counted. I saw one of your fellow monks said, "May God have mercy on your soul." And I
believe that all our diseases are effects of our sinfulness. I experienced what you've ex-
perienced and we have one thing in common: we have the same difficulties in breathing.
The only thing that you've missed was the corporal works of mercy. If I was in Italy and France,
I will be helping St. Francis de Assisi accomplish the works of mercy of curing self and
the
sick neighbors. They should've studied how since they will be very useless if they die very,
very early. You should've cured the sick including your self since corpses are useless save the
memories. You have doctors coming into you place unlike in our place. We should go to the
hospital since doctors don't visit the patients' house in this part of the globe. Whenever I see
your dying body in your movie, I still reminisce the night when I have the same problem. There
was something in my body that made my breathing come to an end and I know that it was God. I feared
so much that made me think of being hurled into a bottomless pit. But I never forget thinking of
God whenever death arrives. I tried to pray the Our Father, the Hail Mary and Glory in the emer-
gency room and voila, sting and spirits of death vanish in the thin air.
You should've done the
same. I know how difficult your breathing was and I know how difficult it
is to pray while losing and ending your breath on your death bed. It was very scary alright. But
you never lost hope.
I just noticed something in your life. Don't you have a doctor when you felt sick in the monastery?
I still feel my lung cancer killing me up until now but I never lose the presence of God in my
mind and in my life. The most difficult thing in our place is that doctors don't visit the sick at
home rather, patients should go to the hospital right away and sometimes patients die while going
into the hospital - that would be worse!
I just want to share that curing the sick is one of the best things God did in our universe.
The question would be: why didn't you? I have the same question regarding St. Francis of Assisi.
I've tried to cure the sick including my self but
seemed to let the spirit of death permeate into
their souls, not the spirit of Life Who is God. Don't you know that the Corporal Works of Mercy came
from God? And I would want to suggest to cure the sick: the neighbors and the self. Death is
worthless and saints would be useless if they die very early. You know why? Because death doesn't
seem to pray. I hope that God forgive all our sins of omission. If I live in Italy and France, I
would be telling everybody to cure the sick with the doctors since saints will not help anymore
after death except through prayers. But if God plans for it, then may His will be done on earth as
in heaven. May you
see Him face to face since I saw God face to face before I died. He may burnt
in the heavens but His body is still intact even if cosmic waves disintegrate His Sacred Body. He's
the Strongest Being alright and I felt very happy with His Inexplicable Beautiful Sacred Face.
I felt healthy after seeing Him looking at me with a burning love for souls.
I would want to cure the sick but I can't stop death for Only God could control the spirit, the
shadow and the stings of death. I love them a lot and I hope that they will love me in return.
I hope for curing the sick in the future.
Gratefully yours in Christ,
Emmanuel
Most Holy Guardian Angels, watch over us and protect us. Amen!
Very insightful article. I simply have to re-read it.
Happy Feast Day, Jennifer! Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts on St. Therese!
What honesty and depth!